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[Arx]

Granted. You are able to throw nuns very well using magic, but your fundamentalist Christian neighbour organises a lynch mob and hangs you.

I wish for a nicer pair of headphones.

[blazing glory]

Granted,it is 0.01% nicer then your old ones.

I wish I could selectively forget certain memories.

[Tawa]

Granted. To test it out, you try the instance where you learned your name.

I wish for a diversion.

[blazing glory]

Granted,a grenade is thrown in your house,the explosion is a good diversion.

I wish one of my cats wasn't mean crusty and nasty.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, it is now a nice clean cat, the other cats are now very crusty and VERY nasty.

I wish to have a magic spell to cure disease.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Granted. It can only cure the common cold.

I wish Duel Disks worked the way they did in the anime.

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. Unfortunately, all other things work as depicted in their source material.

Planeswalkers with destructive planeswalker power start pouring in.

i wish i was all caps

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Granted. You always have to type in all caps, leadin you to lose all your friends.

I wish only the Duel Disks worked the way they did in the anime, and everything else was harmless.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, but you are unable to wield them properly and get some serious ouchie.

I wish for a firm gesundheit when I sneeze.

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. A corpse responds to your sneezing. Doesn't bode well to your health...

I wish I was monosyllabic.

[Shoruke]

Granted; henceforth, your name is "Noog", which just sounds silly.

I wish for paid vacation time from work, at least four weeks' worth.

[WillowLuman]

Granted; henceforth, your name is "Noog", which just sounds silly.

This made my day. I don't know why, but this really made me laugh.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Too bad you never told anyone you were leaving. You have been declared legally dead, because you forgot to charge your phone that one or two days.

I wish it would always be 70 degrees Fahrenheit year-round.

[~Neri]

Granted, ecosystem dies, world ends. Great job.

I wish that it was easier to find interesting people to talk to online and that I didn't have to go out of my way for it but still meet them.

[Lyeos]

Granted. Apocalypse, you're the only survivors. It's no longer going out of your way - it's necessary for survival.

I wish for a block of cheddar.