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[jaxy15]

Granted. It only functions in vacuums.

I wish for hammers.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. You get to work for the hammer and sickle.

I wish for my own personal death squad to protect me from everything, kill anyone I say to kill, and never harm me directly or indirectly.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, everyone else in the world become terrified of you and your death squad, the death squad never talk to you or really do anything else besides protect or kill anyone you say to kill.

I wish for some tea with honey from the bees as soon as you can brew it.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Your tea is brewed from bees.

I wish for breakfast.

[Scotsmen]

Granted. Your breakfast consists of your next-door neighbor, who you killed and are now eating. The police arrest you and you are put in prison for life. Have fun.

I wish I didn't have to work.

[Hubris Incalculable]

Granted. You avoid work by being chloroformed and thrown into the back of a nondescript white van, and being left on the banks of a major river, sixty miles from your home.

I wish I were happier.

[nomoetoe]

granted, but its only a slight increase and its short lived.

I wish that while I get a little rest, for just a teeny tiny small request some cod fish oil for my chest, poured from a crystal cruet.

[Tawa]

Granted. It is crunched into your chest by the Strongest Man In the World^TM.

I wish to live in Castelia City.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
you get kidnaped.

I wish for an pet Koopa Paratroopa (from the Mario games).

[nomoetoe]

Granted, but mario does killeth him. c:

I wish to have a vat of pumpkin soup for I fear I have got the croup and some scarves made out of zinnias

[Tawa]

Granted. Your incessant rhyming causes your brain to malfunction.

I wish that crazy hobos would break the arms in the sleep of anybody I don't like.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, however they demand that they get WONDERFUL sausage sandwiches as payment.

and some scarves made out of zinnias

Did I say zinnias? I meant silk or something shiny of that ilk.

I wish for some nice warm milk, and pastries from Abyssinia.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. The milk has been setting out in the sun for about a month and consuming it gives you horrible diarrhea.

I wish for an interweb.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, two spiders make separate webs that intertwine. c:

Granted. The milk has been setting out in the sun for about a month and consuming it gives you horrible diarrhea.

I wish that since your corruption made my stomach feel crummy that you'll give my aching tummy something soothing, something yummy piled up with noodles!

[Tawa]

Granted. INTERPOL tracks you down and arrests you for stealing the interweb.

what the heck I didn't get a warning

Granted. INTERPOL tracks you down and arrests you for stealing the only dose of a formula that cures cancer (and also stomachaches) and eating it with noodles.

I wish for the INTERPOL.