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[Tawa]

Granted. However, I edit it so it says "feather".

(Now I'm the jerk, so we're even.)

I wish for a bastard sword.

[WillowLuman]

You get a sword made by an unmarried blacksmith couple. It has a fairly interesting story behind it but you never get to hear it.

I wish for a lightning letter opener.

[Scotsmen]

Granted. You get electrocuted when you open your letter from your mum.

I wish I had these.

[JackOSpades]

Granted you have some hydraulic Wolverine Claws, while you are playing around with your new toys you somehow manage to simultaneously cut off both your arms as unfortunately you don't have ether his regeneration nor his indestructible skeleton.

I wish people would stop with the claws they aren't even the best ability of the guy who has them.

[Shoruke]

Granted; everyone (women included) instead tries to emulate Wolverine's facial hair, leading to a society of people who can't make the look work but keep trying anyway.

I wish my name was capitalized on this forum.

[JackOSpades]

 Granted. but it costs you all the letters in your real life name, you are now _______ the unperson forever cursed to forever be unable to fill out applications or government forms.

I wish for De-expanding Bureaucracy.

[Noel.se]

Granted. The world economy breaks down.

I wish for a supertanker.

[JackOSpades]

 granted you get one Frat boy who's really good at getting "tanked" but not much else.

 I wish for the civilization to follow the economy from my last wish.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. The civilization is soon after destroyed by America, as it was founded on great reserves of oil.

I wish I would quit being lazy and update my games.

[Shoruke]

Granted; in exchange for curing your laziness, you no longer have any capacity for creativity and now all your games are boring.

I wish there were more single women were I live.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. They are all out to kill you, as you murdered their husbands.

I wish there was no such thing as procrastination.

[jaxy15]

Granted. They are all fat, ugly chicks that spend the entire day writing about Superwholock on their tumblr blogs.
Granted. Now whenever you have any kind of work to do, you cannot delay it, not even by one second. You have to do it immediately.

I wish for drills.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. There now must always be three drills drilling into your head at any given moment, or you will suffer an ambiguous fate worse than death.
I wish for invisible wishes that no one but me can see.

[Tawa]

Granted. It's a ,

i wihs Catpain Faclon wolud Faclon Pnuch eveyrone woh takls ro psells lkie thsi execpt fro em, sa i ma maknig A piont.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted, but the Grammar Nazis gas you before you can finish talking.

I wish everyone would share my point of view, and would never argue with me.