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[Eric Blank]

Granted. The strawmen do nothing to defend themselves. You look like a total asshole.

I wish for fewer babies.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
an lot of babies died in the past your one of them.

[RAM]

Make me into a better grammar nazi!

[Arcvasti]

The only good grammar nazi is a dead grammar nazi.

I wish that I could teleport.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. It takes practice, or else you'll splinch.

I wish for more music to listen to.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
But the music is the worst.

I wish that the forum kittens shut up.

[ComputerWarrior]

Ninja'd two times in a row. O.o Must be getting slow on typing.

Granted,
But the music is the worst.

I wish that the forum kittens shut up.

Granted, you forget the English language. Basically, it's the same effect.

I wish I had a working car that ran on love.

[Tawa]

Granted, but playergamer HADOKEN's all the fuel away.

I wish for a 20-sided die with pips.

[RAM]

You have struck a valiant blow for equal employment by causing a 20-sided die to become an officer in the army.

I want all the good stuff that I am missing out on.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Death is good, as it prevents overpopulation.

I wish I could finish the book I am reading instantly.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You flip to the end.

I wish for a crossbow with no bolts.

[Tawa]

Granted. It is feather wood.

I wish for a kinder father.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. (1) You are ambushed as soon as you step out of the store! And you had to trade your only other weapons to get this crossbow...
Granted. This feather is a bit nicer to you than the others. But it still generally acts like a jerk.

I wish my name didn't include numbers.

[Tawa]

Granted. It now is a series of random Unicode symbols.

(That said father.)

I wish due my previous wish to be properly corrupted.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Your father is a bit nicer to you than usual. But he still generally acts like a jerk.
(Now I'm the jerk.)

I wish I had read that wish properly.