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[Tawa]

Granted. You are also obese, due to caviar overeating.

Granted. You may summon ╬ dollars whenever you want. ╬ is not a valid currency.

Granted. Life becomes boring. You become a bureaucrat. It is somehow more fun.

Granted. It is highly volatile.

Granted. It is UNLIMITED GARLIC BREAD and crushes you under the sheer weight of itself.

I wish for a cavy R.

[hops]

Granted. You lose the ability to spot imperfections.
Granted. It's an utterly pointless end credits gif.
Granted. It's a bread made out of garlic. Yuck.
Granted. You get a rabid guinea pig.

I wish that all terrorists ceased to exist.

[Shoruke]

Granted, but all of it is very obviously counterfeit. Like, "not even the wage-slaves at Wal*Mart would take that".
Granted. Everything was perfect until you made that wish and brought the apocalypse, you jerk!
Granted. It gives you terrible indigestion that cannot be cured by medicine.
Granted. It's smarter than it looks, though, and keeps breaking out of its cage to move things around in the night when you're asleep, slowly driving you crazy.
Granted. All of them became suicide nuclear bombers and wiped out most of the civilized world.

I wish for NO MORE TELEMARKETERS, ever.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. They are teleported to the dimension where all your hopes and dreams would have come true.
Granted. They are replaced with automated 5-minute long ads.

I wish I could control time.

[Tawa]

Granted. The Merkin George Bush declares you a terrace, and you cease to exist.

Granted. They are replaced by emailmarketers.

Granted. You may control it as it goes 1 second forward every second.

I wish for a merkin terrace.

[nomoetoe]

Granted? I eats it. c:

I wish I didn't have get my adventurer's ears pinched off to save him from infection.

[Lyeos]

Granted, you have to get his eyes ripped out.

I wish for Candied Island.

[~Neri]

Granted, you die from diabetes.

I wish for Delicious Crab Meat.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. You can have high-quality crab meat, but only if you Capitalize The First Letter of Every Word You Type.

I Wish Everyone Had To Do This.

[~Neri]

I Actually Know Someone Who Does This, So Granted, I Also Used To Do This Quite Often. I Was A RPer for A Specific Troll In Homestuck So Granted, Guess How Long It Will Be Till Someone Gets Annoyed About This?

I Wish I Could Stop Doing This Because I Don't Want To Annoy Anyone.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, But Not Doing It Makes Everyone Hate You..

I Wish That My Hocus Pocus Was Tough Enough, And For My Mumbo Jumbo To Measure Up.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. For that one brief instance, you still annoyed the gods of thunder in every pantheon.
Granted. Science slams you back to Earth, though.

I wish for a grounded steel umbrella.

[~Neri]

Granted You get a grounded steel umbrella, too bad that you were holding the metal parts it when it got zapped.

I wish for daisy chains, lots and lots of daisy chains.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, they attract lots of bees and quickly rot.

I wish for my cat to be a meany and my tiger to be tame.

[Tawa]

Granted. The cat

* strikes down

the tiger.

I wish to

* strike down

the Dark One and become the ruler of all that is evil.