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[Lyeos]

Granted, you have both the motivation and skill, but find that you never have the time because the zombie apocalypse occurs!

I wish the hills had eyes.

[blazing glory]

Granted,someone desides to make camp on a hill and starts putting wooden pegs into the eyes causing a flood to kill a nearby village.

I wish my joke wasn't morbid.

[Scotsmen]

Granted. Now, it's just stupid.

I wish I were stupid.

[blazing glory]

Granted,you get run over by a car because you can't tell when it's safe to cross the road.

I wish for new RtD's.

[hops]

Granted, you get new RTDs which can only be played if you buy the OP's kitchens.

I wish that magic was real.

[blazing glory]

Granted,wizards "troll" lower wizards by killing them for lulz.

I wish the internet was a nicer place.

[hops]

Granted. This is because it is actually now your own personal virtual universe with a variety of sickeningly sweet chatbots.

I wish for a bowl of milk :3

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted
 by the time you get to the bowls location, kobolds have stolen it.

I wish for the sugar ants to stop visiting my house to eat my food.

[blazing glory]

Granted,instead carpenter ants wall off your food storage.

I wish water tasted better.

[hops]

CURIOUSBEAST_EATER: Granted. Man-eating ants come visit your house to eat you instead.
blazing glory: Granted. Water tastes like assorted quality Mexican foods, but it is also very, very spicy. Spicy enough to set you on fire.

I wish that the Glow Cloud would stop dropping dead animals on my house.

[Shoruke]

Granted. It starts dropping plague-bearing, feral, living ones on your house instead.

I wish to no longer get tired or need sleep.

[cahocachi]

Granted, you are a zombie now!

I wish i could grow a great beard.

[blazing glory]

Granted,it would make a dwarf weep,but you inhale it in your sleep and die from suffocation.

I wish my knee felt better.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Granted, because you don't have a knee. I cut your legs off.

I wish that I had infinite access to a pocket dimension.

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. I forgot to mention that the pocket dimension you're now moving into contains an infinite amount of eldritch horrors. Good day!

I feel murderous; I wish to be stopped.