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[WillowLuman]

I wish for some unlimited soup, salad, breadsticks

This exact thing just came up in a cards against humanity session.

Granted. The Moor kitty kills its wife in a fit of jealousy.

Shakespeare? In this thread!? _cool!

You got away with it, but only because your joke was terribly-worded.

I wish for my wishes to be difficult to corrupt.

Granted, but only if you put the effort into it.

I wish I knew how to read sheet music.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Unfortunately, you are now illiterate in all other forms of written language.

I wish Roman mythology was true.

[Lyeos]

Granted, but changing reality without royally messing things up takes a lot of energy. Every entity from Roman mythology takes one update of your TSG, and still end up causing the world as we know it to end.

I wish I was less impatient.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. You are so patient, you die of thirst.

I wish I would get around to updating my TSG.

[Lyeos]

Granted. The plot now demands that you remove Mel from Jon's friendzone, so now every turn is filled with cries of "kiss Mel!".

I wish everyone who is taking longer than usual to update their games on here would update them right now.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. All of the updates are walls of text, and by the time you have finished reading half of them, they are all updated again.

I wish I was sane according to Bay12.

[Shoruke]

Granted. You now have the morality and mindset of a Dorf. You constantly find yourself waking up in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning.

I wish for a pet cat that has no need to poop.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted, but it doesn't like your friends. It attacks them whenever they come over. Your friends no longer come over.

I wish paperwork didn't exist.

[Shoruke]

Granted. Everything in the world is now terribly organized! Mwahaha!
(that includes the bank that controls your bank account, by the way. You'll have trouble paying debit now)

I wish for money.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. You are crushed by all the Monopoly money you have now.

I wish Monopoly money was worth something.

[Lyeos]

Granted. You now pay $27 for every single piece of Monopoly money. You can't use it to buy things, though.

I wish for a washer-sized car-wash washing machine.

[Noel.se]

Granted. It can only wash toy cars.

I wish for a house-sized washing machine.

[TamerVirus]

Granted, you now live in one. You eventually drown during the spin cycle.

I wish for an interdimensional vending machine

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Granted. It can only give Keter-class SCPs.

I wish I was a dorf.

[Varee]

Granted. You are now getting use as a bait for the dragon.
 I wish homework dont exist.