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[Tawa]

Granted. Your usage of 37 causes you to be thrown in KoL jail.

I wish for a stash of meat.

[Lyeos]

Granted. The meat of an elephant is stashed inside of your head through the use of magic, so it explodes.

I wish for the universe to implode.

[tahujdt]

Granted. It'll take a while. The universe is a big place.

I wish that I didn't have to see a therapist anymore.

[Lyeos]

Granted. You go blind.

I wish GWG would call me a n'wah, only to find that he is the one true n'wah!

((Going by the [incorrect] "He who is about to loot my corpse" definition.))

[Shoruke]

Uhh... granted. GWG finds out the hard way that he is, in fact, the one who is about to loot your corpse. So he does (after killing you with a broadsword, of course).

I wish I had a pet dragon.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Granted. It's mother comes to find it, and eats you.

I wish I was awesome at programming.

[Lyeos]

Granted. You were awesome at programming, until you lost your memories.

I wish the video for Video Killed the Radio Star actually made sense.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. It makes so much sense, that it reveals the secrets of the universe. Bay12 then weaponizes those secrets, and destroys the world.

I wish you were weaponized.

[Tawa]

Granted. You are now a nuke. Nukes are disposable.

I wish I was better at summarizing books.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. You are the greatest book-summarizer ever conceived and are hired to write a book about summarizing books, and then try to summarize your book about summarizing books to be printed on your book of summarizing books. Nobody ever buys it because it gives them a tremendous headache just trying to read the summary.

I wish politics was simple.

[Comrade P.]

Granted. Nuclear war simplifies the politics: strong one is the only right one.

I wish for something pleasant to me.

[Noel.se]

Granted. Someone creates a forum named "Something Pleasant". Its server drops on your head, crushing it.

I wish that the person who corrupts this wish dies.

[TD1]

Granted. They live their normal life, then die.

I wish for Underworld (Vampire Movie) to be a true, historic documentation.

[Lyeos]

Granted. The entire movie is changed to be an accurate representation of that time period.

I wish my copy of Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny was in my xBox, in completely perfect, running, watchable condition, while my tv and xBox are in perfect working condition, while my electricity still works perfectly fine.

[Helgoland]

Granted. Your spinal cord has been severed.

I wish there was a get-sober-instantly pill.