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[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Unfortunately, the law is pretty high up. You die from lack of oxygen.

I wish math didn't exist and reality isn't affected by the lack of math.

[Tawa]

Granted. You get into several numeric disputes, including a fail to take inventory at a job you suddenly have if you didn't already, a property dispute with the neighbor, and an inability to barter when buying a bottle of water.

Remember kids, we need math.

I wish Pokemon OmegaRuby and AlphaSapphire would come out at the same time as DF2014 and not be crappy or bug-filled. The terms of this wish also require that I have the money and time to play and enjoy the game, which will hopefully be AlphaSapphire.

[Lyeos]

Granted. Bug Pokemon do not exist in these games - however, many glitches do.

I wish I would be eaten by a velociraptor.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but you are only partially eaten before some other people happen upon you and drive it off. You survive with crippling injuries and PTSD.

I wish for a speargun.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. You get a spear and a gun. While diving with your poorly taped-together speargun, you are attacked by a shark. The speargun falls apart in your hands and the gun explodes, ruining your hands. The blood attracts more sharks.

I wish I had a pet hamster.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Granted. It is very large and intelligent. It makes you it's pet.

I wish I was Naruto.

[Noel.se]

Granted. You aren't real any more

I wish i had an arrow.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You accidentally venture into DeviantART, where one large group burns you at the stake and eviscerates you and another takes pieces of your corpse for purposes you'd be glad you didn't know about because of your death.
Granted. It has a boxing glove instead of a proper arrow head.

I wish for a random video game boss to be my buddy.

[Tawa]

Granted. That random boss is the massive mushroom that guards Winter Circle in EarthBound. Enjoy protecting him from a bunch of kids.

I wish those little joke-Popsicles had better jokes on them.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. They all have customized jokes that are really just insults about your family.

I wish there was no 'x' in the alphabet.

[TD1]

Granted. The X-Men become the C-Men.

I wish for a revival of the Greek gods.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Granted. Random women all over the world become pregnant because of Zeus.

I wish I was God.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You get recruited into a Neo-pagan college fraternity/sorority that amalgamates it with Wicca. Ninja'd but yours is better
Granted. You abandon this universe out of boredom and start another.

I wish for a perfectly ripe, sliced watermelon, on a plate.

[TD1]

Granted. You become something completely different from you. In nearly every sense, you are dead.
Granted. Said watermelon is sliced so thinly so as to be barely visible at all.

I wish Goblins had exactly the same society as Dwarves.

[Tawa]

Granted.

In other news, the definition of "watermelon" now translates roughly to "bowl of sand". ninja'd

Granted. The buddy-ness is so great that goblidwarves are created.

I wish for a bowl of sand.