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[Lyeos]

Granted. You are never sick anymore - however, all of your friends and your entire family suddenly gain terminal illnesses to make up for it.

I wish I could cast this:http://paizo.com/prd/spells/stormOfVengeance.html

[Shoruke]

Granted. Threatened, the American government hires legions of assassins to kill you in your sleep.

I wish it was Motorcycle season 

[tahujdt]

Granted. Everyone goes out with shotguns and starts shooting at motorcycles.

I wish my minecraft modpack would work.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. It works on alpha 1.1.2_01.

I wish for a war-whale.

[Lyeos]

Granted. Unfortunately, it doesn't like you and will kill you if you go near it.

I wish for chill pills.

[Shoruke]

Granted. *gives him a case of pills*
Whenever anyone consumes one of those pills, you are turned into a human popsicle.

I wish my feet wouldn't get sore at work.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. Now, they get sore when you are away from work.

I wish for the next person's wish to be granted without corruption.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.

[Shoruke]

The part of your brain that stores the concept of "my wish" is morphed into radioactive goop by the primal forces of chaos. Everyone wins!

I wish Metal Gear Solid 5 would come out on the PS3.

[Lyeos]

The part of your brain that stores the concept of "my wish" is morphed into radioactive goop by the primal forces of chaos. Everyone wins!

I wish Metal Gear Solid 5 would come out on the PS3.

Granted. It comes out on the PS3 as a fan project about 30 years from now.

I wish for better rolls - both the dice kind and the bread kind.

[Shoruke]

Granted. A torrential stream of bread-rolls of various kinds of dice falls upon you out of nowhere; you are immobilized and promptly choked out. Each die shows its maximum roll face-up.

I wish I was able to cure the stupidity of others by smacking them.

[Lyeos]

Granted - every time you smack someone, you absorb their stupidity and become slightly dumber.

I wish for world peace.

[RAM]

A giant space-amoeba uses mind-control technology to enslave all life on Earth to provide it with food and entertainment. The mind-control only enforces obedience and pacifism, so people are still protesting as they slave away to entertain it and screaming as they walk into it to be digested.

I wish to be a giant space-amoeba that conquers Earth.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. A team of actors crawl up your butthole and fill you with shampoo. Then you explode.

I wish Gandalf had a Zwei when he fought the Balrog.

[Lyeos]

Granted. Gandalf rolled a two while fighting the Balrog, resulting in the death of the entire Fellowship. You murderer.

I wish for the ice caps to melt in three thousand years.