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[Lyeos]

Granted. The visions cause you to weep for humanity before quickly going insane.

I wish for a dancing Plump Helmet Man.

[Tawa]

Granted.

Lyeos cancels life: watching Dancing Plump Helmet Man.

You have starved.

I wish for the ability to not die until I want to die, like Explore Mode in nethack.

[Lyeos]

Granted. You suddenly experience suicidal thoughts.

I wish my girlfriend would hurry and bake my cookies she promised me four hours ago.

[Tawa]

Granted. They are drugged.

I wish for cookies that are not drugged, poisoned, or in any way harmful to me.

[Shoruke]

Granted. A nigh-endless torrent of cookies crushes everyone on Earth to death, leaving you alone in an unclimbable hole. You slowly dehydrate to death.

I wish video games were cheaper.

[Lyeos]

Granted. To balance it out, all video games, including Dwarf Fortress, now cost $30.

I wish for the powers of rice and chefs.

[Shoruke]

Granted. You gain the gestalt skills of all chefs in the world, but all food you touch (including cooked rice) turns into uncooked, plain white rice.

I wish I could sing with three voices at the same time.

[Tawa]

Granted. The voices are that of an angry japanese guy, a penguin, and a tone deaf spanish person. Every time you try to sing, you utterly fail in a maelstrom of honking, angry Oriental yelling, and randomly toned spanish.

Did I mention that the irreversible magic also cannot tell the difference between "speech" and "singing"?

I wish for a dwarf.

[Dwarf4Explosives]

Granted. You gain the gestalt skills of all chefs in the world, but all food you touch (including cooked rice) turns into uncooked, plain white rice.

I wish I could sing with three voices at the same time.

//You do realize that he could just wear gloves, right?
//Then again, technically you could eat gloves...

[RAM]

((If you want to get really technical, the vast majority of the body attached to the touching surfaces is more similar to meat-based foods than, say, vegetable-based foods are...))

[Lyeos]

I wish for a dwarf.

Granted. You are now he proud owner of a manic-depressive alcoholic whose job is to ruin everything you do.

I wish for less derailment.

[RAM]

You lose control of your body. It instantly scans over your mind and discerns your longest-term ambition, then proceeds to enact that ambition. Your mind has no further input to your body until that ambition is attained, or your body dies. You are only capable of observing as your body automatically pursues a single objective.

I wish for icecream.

[Lyeos]

Granted. You are crushed under three tons of spinach-flavored icecream.

I wish for KodKod.

[Tawa]

Granted. Two massive cod fish arrive on top of your head and crush you.

I wish for a massive dice collection that will not physically harm me in any way.

[Karkov]

Granted. Two massive cod fish arrive on top of your head and crush you.

I wish for a massive dice collection that will not physically harm me in any way.

Granted, all of the dice have quotes on them saying "Your mother never loved you," "you're adopted," "You will never be like Billy Mayes."

I wish for it to rain constantly.