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[IronTomato]

Granted. Microtransactions.

I wish Team Fortress 2 was called Hat Simulator.

[JackOSpades]

Granted it is now and has always been Hat Simulator, the game where people obsessively collect Fortresses.

I wish to collect ALL the fortresses

[Tawa]

Granted. You are hijacked by Twitch Plays Pokemon and release all the hats, never to see them again.

[Noel.se]

I wish the person above me wished I get a really big hat.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Granted, but it's hugeness destroys earth.

[Tawa]

I wish the person above me wished Earth wasn't destroyed.

[Erils]

Granted but the person below you wishes it was destroyed again.

I wish that the world suffered from eternal catsplosion of unprecedented porportions. (That should be enough to destroy the world)

[tahujdt]

Granted. However, God's framerate drops sharply, and he mods the universe's RAWs to cause cats to dissolve away harmlessly.

I wish that TF2 Spies had an effective technique to counter compulsive spycheckers.

[Erils]

Granted. Spies have become non-existent, thereby rendering compulsive spycheckers useless.

I wish that I was better as the pyro in TF2.

[Avis-Mergulus]

Granted. You're an LMB-^ pyro. Everybody hates you.

I wish enemy spies would stand still long enough for me to ubersaw them.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. You get taunt-killed.

I wish for a pair of Oculus Rift. (Note the capitol letters- proper noun)

[Erils]

Granted. You recieve a pair of them in the mail. In a dangerous experiment, you put both on at the same time, one on each eye, while playing two separate games. Your brain is unable to distinguish which eye is seeing reality and decides it would be easier to just shut your eyes off permanently.

* GrizzlyAdamz has gone blind

I wish I had more hats in TF2.

[Tawa]

Granted. All the hats become 1 foot by 1 foot cubes of lead. You get seven of them and try to wear them all at once.

I wish my Pokewalker didn't have the little battery symbol in the corner as I take my Pichu for a walk.

[nomoetoe]

Granted now its broken no more battery symbol.

I wish for walruses to be the rulers of earth

[WillowLuman]

Granted. However, they rule only nominally. The Orcas have the real power.

I wish I had time to update my RTD's