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[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. The federal government takes notice and starts a brutal crackdown.

I wish for a corndog.
-inb4 a dog made of corn.

[smurfingtonthethird]

You get a corndog, but it's made of animal feces.

I wish I had all the cheese.

[tahujdt]

Granted. However, someone just cut it.

I wish for Remuthra to update his games.

[Erils]

Granted. He kills you off in all of them.

I wish I had more time to spend on the forum.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. You're hit by a truck and become a quadriplegic.

I wish for papers.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, but the paper is used toilet paper.

I wish to die in the most fantastic way possible.

[Tawa]

Granted. You die after insulting an anime in front of its thousands of fans at a convention. (You said die in the most FAN-tastic way possible, didn't you?)

I wish that I had the currently missing urge to play DF again.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but you get an urge to mod it first.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

I wish for a Christmas tree.

[4maskwolf]

granted, it falls on your head, crushing you (that was too easy)

I wish I was more socially adept.

[Playergamer]

Granted. No one wants to do anything but talk to you. You are crushed by 6 billion people.

I wish no one would talk to me.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. They must now sing.

I wish for a shotgun.

[AndClayton]

Granted, you stab the side of the can and shogun the beer, unfortunately you drink too fast and it goes into your lungs.

I wish I lived in the world of the Elder Scrolls.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You escape slavery on a Dunmer plantation only to get torn apart by cliff racers, just as you were soultrapped by a necromancer to enchant his smelly boots. Welcome to the Soul Cairn.

I wish someone would rescue that guy's soul from the Soul Cairn.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted, it's Hircine.

I wish the US flag had a possum on it.