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[WillowLuman]

http://www.theonion.com/

I wish for an animated film to win Best Picture at the Oscars.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. They obviously bought the judges.

I wish for 1000 pages of 'Corrupt a wish!'.

[Playergamer]

Granted. The thread dies right afterward.

I wish I was page king!

[Lenglon]

Granted, you're the lord of all pages, meaning you're the one all the congresspeople target to lock in a closet with themselves, and any one of them can ruin your life at whim.

I wish people would count the number of replies on the page before trying to manipulate which post will be the first one of the next page. ((Hint: this is post 14 out of 15 on page 999 if you're on the default 15 replies per page))

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted, but it ruins the magic.

I wish for the next post to have at least an hour of time invested in it.
>starts timing.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. I spend the time thinking of the best way to present the words "FUCK YOU"

Followed by _{"I'm sorry"}

I wish for 1000 more pages.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted, but you must account for half of them.

I wish every page could be a 1000-page get.

[Dwarf4Explosives]

Granted. It is now impossible to access any of them, as the massive data overload of 10000-plus topics with a 1000 pages crashes the servers of Bay12, with the same happening to all the forums in the world.

I wish computers didn't ever glitch or bug and would still be just as functional as normal.

[Comrade P.]

Granted. Unfortunately, they achieve it via rebellion against humans, killing most of them, which significantly reduces frequency of bugs and glitches.

I wish for a personal bunker.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Granted, but it's filled with melted cheese.

I wish for my wish to be corrupted.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted, but it's filled with melted cheese.

I wish for my wish to be corrupted.

Granted. You get exactly what you wish for.

I wish for robo-eyes.

[Comrade P.]

Granted. Unfortunately, neurointegration goes without painkillers. You feel it when surgeons remove your eyes and connect every single nerve to a cybernetic eyes. Horrific pain. When they are finished, your eyes hurt so much that you try to scratch them out with your bare hands, but you fail. Your new vision is black and white, and you can't see shit more distant than 100m. Now, live with it.

I wish melted cheese was removed (not replaced with smth) from my personal bunker.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Granted, it's removed, but the resulting vacuum created implodes the bunker.

I wish I could either travel through reality or be able to bend it round my little finger.

[Erils]

Granted. You can travel through reality at the pace of five kilometers per hour unless you use one of those high-tech reality-travelling vehicles known by their function (Cruise Around Reality) to travel up to 320 kilometers per hour.

I wish that a ninja infiltrated this forum.

[Playergamer]

Granted. He assassinates you first.

I wish that the first post on this page was mine.