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[Tawa]

Granted. They're hot pants.

I wish for people to stop making LEGO-related wishes.

[Dwarf4Explosives]

Granted. They make LEGO-related wish fulfillments instead, culminating in you being eaten by a LEGO Tyrannosaur.

I wish for people to start making chicken-related wishes.

[Lenglon]

Granted, but they're too scared to do it more than once.

I wish I had a tail to tell.

[Dwarf4Explosives]

Granted. You gain a dinosaur-like tail, which you talk to regularly.

I wish for all the puppies in the world to be turned into equally friendly velociraptors.

[Lenglon]

Granted, the velociraptors treat everyone equally, slaughtering them the same regardless of nationality, age, race, gender, sexual orientation, left/right handedness, or personal disability.

I wish I could rapid-fire my dual-wield my dual-wield my manyshot without penalty.

EDIT: better:

I wish I could manyshot my rapid fire my dual wield my dual wield my rapid fire my manyshot without penalty.

[Dwarf4Explosives]

Granted. An evil wizard kills you for a completely different reason.

I wish I could set myself on fire without pain, injury, clothing damage or other side-effects aside from burning other stuff.

[Tawa]

Granted. You can, but puppies-turned-velociraptors arrive and try to eat it. They don't finish it off, but all of a sudden, xkcd author Randall Munroe arrives, having turned his fear of raptors into a drive to kill them. He headshots them all, and accidentally shoots your, um, thing.

I wish I was the author of xkcd instead.

DAMON YOU! Ninja'd.

Granted. You light yourself on fire when fire-retardant velociraptors from three or four wishes ago arrive to eat you randomly, but all of a sudden, xkcd author Randall Munroe arrives, having turned his fear of raptors into a drive to kill them. He headshots them all, and accidentally shoots you too.

I wish I was the author of xkcd instead.

[Dwarf4Explosives]

Granted. You are eaten by a Carcharodontosaurus.

I wish I had limitless inventiveness and creativity.

[Tawa]

Granted, You have no room in your head for the limitless creativity, so it spills out your ear and fills up the entire universe, which is theoretically limitless according to some. However, then comes the inventiveness, and you are prevented from making that wish due to the fact there isn't enough space for everything.

I wish for puppies to no longer be velociraptors.

[Noel.se]

Granted, They are now Tyrannosaurus Rex. Have fun.

I wish i could tame dinosaurs.

[Tawa]

Granted. They still went extinct 65 million years ago.

I wish Rule 36 of the Internet wasn't true.

[tahujdt]

Granted. Now, everyone has boring, unoriginal fetishes.

I wish to know all of the rules of the internet by memory.

[Tawa]

Granted. You are presented with a webpage with all of them listed, which you plan to memorize. Before you crack open the webpage that has them listed, I hack it so that all of them describe obscure methods of torture in such a way they are applied to the reader. You pass out in your chair from horror on Rule 7, fall backwards, and promptly get a concussion. You get amnesia and cannot remember the last few minutes, fix your chair, and re-read the list from the start. You are trapped in an eternal cycle of concussions, forgetting things, and passing out in horror.

I wish that I didn't do a lot of stupid things a few years ago.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You will do a lot of stupid things in the near future.

I wish for the trend of really good movies to continue into 2014

[NAV]

People put all their work into movies, so there's no good books, music, or videogames.

I wish for an onion.