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[Erils]

Granted. It's manned by a Grammar Nazi who shoots you for failing to capitalize your sentence and for mispelling the word breaking.
Ninja'd darn it

Granted. Sadly,  you forgot when he bit your hand off.

I wish my computer didn't "brake."

[wer6]

GRANTED! ITS FIRED OUT OF MY CANNNNOONN! ((thats canon for yah!))

I wish I has spine surgery :c

[jaxy15]

Granted. You are now a spine donor. Your surgery is in 1 hour, have fun.

I wish I had a giant unkillable pet spider that I could ride on.

[wer6]

Granted, however your spine was replaced with my broken one.

I wish for a delicious spider stew.

[RAM]

The spider clearly enjoyed it, but refused to pay a tip.

* RAM wishes for more / commands.

[Tawa]

Granted. You get so many / commands that you die before you get 1/8th of the way through memorizing them.

I wish I was Gandalf.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You die halfway through the story.

I wish for corruptions more relevant to the wish.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted, you get double corruptions. You are now a potato.

I wish for a potato.

[Tawa]

You get a completely generic potato. As you likely did not expect, it is not HugoLuman, and you throw it out the window in disgust, at which point  it triggers a time bomb connected to your fuse box. You might not want to be in your house for the next week or so.

I wish things would happen.

[Playergamer]

Granted. A long series of events leads to your house being destroyed, you falling asleep at the wheel of a car, and your entire family comatose in the hospital.

I wish for it to stop raining.

[tahujdt]

Granted. A cloud of horrific ooze arrives!

I wish for a convincing argument for my Web Design teacher to allow me to use an open-source program instead of Adobe Dreamweaver.

[Tawa]

Granted. It is beating him/her over the head until he/she lets you. You are arrested.

I wish that people would sign up for my Dungeons and Dragons game here on the forum.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but they make you change the setting from FF to Spelljammer.

I wish for an extra hour every day to get stuff done, thus making my days 25 hours, yet still synchronized with the rest of the world and without depriving me of rest.

[Nirur Torir]

Granted, but your lifespan is reduced by 4%, relative to what it would have been without personal temporal expansion. This might not seem so bad, but you die as reverse-aging nanobots are nearly ready for public use.

I wish for everyone to completely lose interest in drugs, aside from medical necessity. This includes alcohol and caffeine.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. They're still addicted, whether interested or not, but everyone else loses interest in trying them in the first place.

I wish for superpowers.