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[tahujdt]

Granted. Your insurance no longer covers you (unfortunately true with trampolines here).

I wish the polar vortex had reached SoCal.

Granted, however I intentionally misread your wish to say "Low cal", so you now have a polar vortex that isn't bad to eat. I'll even make it sugar free, too!

I wish the cookie clicker was classified as a controlled substance.

[IronTomato]

Granted. Drug dealers give up their jobs to traffic phones with Cookie Clickers in them.

I wish for a normal cookie.

[Ultimuh]

Granted, you get a normal cookie. But a raccoon steals it.

I wish for a raccoon army to take over the world!

[WhitiusOpus]

Granted. They take over the world of trashcans! Aaahhh!

I wish for the next person to anticipate the person after them's wish, so that they must place their granted, then the next person grants a future wish, and places their wish according to how the first person granted it.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but tahujdt intentionally misreads it and breaks the cycle before it begins.

I wish I could understand the previous wish at this early hour.

[Lenglon]

Granted, he wanted you to predict what I was going to wish, and grant it before I wished for it. then for me to grant a wish someone else would make sometime in the future at some point or another, and then make my wish be whatever it is you granted.

I wish I (still a fox) had a kiddy pool stocked with a bunch of live goldfish for me to catch out of it.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Animal control catches you after a homeowner calls about a fox raiding his pygmy koi pool.

I hope Lenglon gets a lawyer crazy enough to defend him.

[jaxy15]

Granted. The lawyer is also a fox. During the trial, it simply makes yipping sounds and leaves the courtroom.

I wish for a fish stick.

[wer6]

Granted, the fish stick is launched at you, it hits you in the face at the speed of Light.

THe local area was destroyed,.

I wish to be a Roman Emperor

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You were Calligula, and have been dead for many years.

I wish for amateur advanced technology.

[tahujdt]

Granted. You get a homemade antimatter plant. I wish that Hugo will somehow survive the explosion.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. My legacy lives on, and a national holiday is dedicated to my memory.

I wish for some food.

[Lenglon]

Granted, you find my goldfish.

I wish I had a better lawyer.

[tahujdt]

Your wish is granted. Your lawyer is now able to exploit the Air Bud clause, since there's no rule against foxes being lawyers. He is such a good lawyer that he is appointed DA. He is now prosecuting you. As this is a clear conflict of interest, he is not allowed to defend you. I wish my little brother were better at soccer.

[Lenglon]

In the situation you just described, there would be an immediate mistrial and the DA would lose his license for trying to prosecute me when he was my lawyer on the same issue. Odds on I'd get out scot-free as a result of the case being mishandled that badly, possibly with some major compensation. So... I guess that works.
Granted, he's so good at soccer that he is able to crush you at will.
and he does.
every. single. day.

I wish I was a pyrokinetic.