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[Comrade P.]

Granted. They begin to spit the updates so fast that they contraverse each other and cause tons of bugs that completely ruin the game, so it doesn't work anymore.

I wish I had such sideburns like my avatar has, but not just drawn with a pencil on my cheeks.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. They're drawn on with a marker.

I wish more of our course reading was like the Narritive Life of Frederick Douglass, it's pretty engaging.

[RAM]

You get engaged to your course reading material. But then you find out that they believe that "knowledge should be free" and "a closed mind should be opened". Next thing you know, you are in a clock-tower with a rifle and a list of people who read...

I wish that The Hunting of the Snark was a historical account.

[fractalman]

Granted, but you have softly and silently vanished away, and your friends got eaten by a jabberwock.

I wish for an apple-the kind you eat, not the computer. 

[Nightscar982]

Granted, but it functions as a computer anyway, making you choose between a computer and an apple.

I wish they released quality models for P&P tabletop rpgs, not like what I've seen of the 4e models recently

[WillowLuman]

Granted. All 3D printers are redesigned to only print minis for tabletop games.

I wish for a 3D printer and a lifetime supply of the printing materials. And that it can print anything I wish.

[Erils]

Granted, you get a brand new 3D printer fresh from the delivery plane. However you are unable to operate the 3D printer as you fell into a coma after you caught it with your head.

I wish that I had a completely normal P-51 Mustang model.

[tahujdt]

Granted. You are so surprised at having your wish fulfilled that you have a heart attack and die.

I wish ACII ran better on my computer.

[Nirur Torir]

Defining ACII ... Task taking too long. Using default definition.

Granted. Your computer is switched with its counterpart from an alternative timeline, which happens to have a DRM-free copy of Alpha Centauri II. It is promptly taken for research, and the game sold through Steam. You don't get your computer back, but get royalties from the sales.

Definition task returned Assassin's Creed II.

Oh. That's much less exciting than an alternative timeline game. You find your computer able to run it ~2.73 FPS above what it was, but feel an undefinable sense of loss whenever you play it.

[WillowLuman]

...

I wish people would begin making extremely bizarre wishes, preferably steam-of-consciousness levels of random while still being legible.

[fractalman]

i wish, y'know, i had a unicorn and that it gored you through the everythin and then the earth exploded into a volcano and...

....I wish I knew how I ended up describing dwarf fortress while pretending to be stoned

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Your entire life revolves around Dwarf Fortress, so your thoughts naturally wandered there.

Hmm...

I wish furries were actual transgenic humans that we farm for meat and fertilizer. And that cars have rockets instead of wheels, fueled by vinegar. And that "they" was a gender-neutral first-person pronoun.

[fractalman]

Granted, but then the furries rise up, rebell, and run you over with their rocket-powered car.  when you miraculously survive, they pour the vinegar fuel into your wounds. 

...and you are mocked as "they" untill you finally perish. 

I wish I could pull the glasses off of the  and use them in real life. 

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but due to your high resolution, they're rather too small to fit on your face.

I wish to survive the ordeal, gain vinegar-based lightning/pasta superpowers, and become some kind of crazed protagonist.

[tahujdt]

Granted, but you are the protagonist in a shitty self-insertatory fanfic (IP up to you). I wish that a sophisticated A.I. existed that could accurately determine the quality of any online work based on spelling, grammar, and general plot. This program should include a quality filter which screens out all the ones below the threshold you define. I suppose that FiMFiction could have their own unique A.I. (CelestiA.I?) as they would probably need it the most.