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[SOLDIER First]

Granted.
You get arrested for inhumanity and destroyed because you can't have a pet forum account.

[wer6]

Granted

I wish for the IRL person of hugolemon delievered to my shrine of my angry cuthulu god, ready to be sacraficed.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but in striking me down I become more powerful than you could even imagine.

I wish to know why people think I'm actually Hugh Jackman

[wer6]

Because there idiots.

I wish for A Ear, ready to be surgery'ed on someones face.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but it's attached to the Thread's mouth, suffocating and killing it.

I wish for a little more Summer

[wierd]

Granted.  However, because of the increased axial tilt of the earth required to grant the wish, all the polar caps melt, displacing billions worldwide. Additionally, desertification of the equitorial band and the increased thermal turbulence of the atmosphere has decimated most of the agricultural regions not destroyed by the flooding, dooming hundreds of millions more to starvation. The resulting wars from resource scarcity and overcrowding have ravaged the planet, and mankind has returned to the stone age following a global nuclear holocaust.

However, summer and winter now last exactly 1 month longer.

I wish magic existed.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but you're a muggle.

I wish for shock and awe.

[wierd]

Granted. Janet Reno has just emerged in a state of total undress from your oversized birthday cake. Your friends tell you they will never visit your house ever again.

I wish for world peace.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Everyone is too busy playing Cookie Clicker to do anything, ever again.

I wish the aforementioned game never existed.

[wierd]

Granted. The talented people who previously had expended their time and talent creating a harmless video game now work for the NSA, and have been instrumental in at least 4 incidents in which civilians have been killed by drone strikes performed by the US government. The current death toll directly attributable to your wish is 400 persons. 20 of which are children.

I wish for a 4 fold increase in global mean human intelligence scores.

[techno65535]

Granted, but yours was decreased 10 fold to offset the few whose was so high the mean was higher than your wish requested.

I wish to be a shapeshifter and able to control the power.

[wierd]

Granted. However, the only form you are able to assume is that of an inconspicuous white porcaline toilet in a public lavatory.

I wish I wasn't so macabre...

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but you are consequently less interesting.

I wish Netflix had more good Batman on streaming.

[wierd]

Granted. The streaming selection of Netflix now carries every movie and television show known to mankind, but the cost per month is now more expensive than cable, and features unskippable advertisements injected into the stream every 15 minutes.

I wish hollywood accounting was strongly penalized by government regulators.

[Baneling]

Granted you but grammar get's more worse.

I wish for someone to do a dramatic reading of every thread in the Hall of Legends.

Challenge accepted.

Granted. Hollywood accounting is now strongly penalized by having the perpetrators beaten to death with your corpse.

I wish I could motivate myself.