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[WillowLuman]

Granted, but the cap's been open for 200 years so it's quite flat.

I wish for a nuka-cola quantum.

[SOLDIER First]

Granted. It causes a black hole and sucks you in.
I wish for my two front teeth.

[RAM]

You get your baby teeth back, but you are now in debt due to all the interest they accrued...

I wish for the ability to transfer longevity between hosts.

[SOLDIER First]

Granted.
But since I don't know what that means, you get NARWHALS.
I wish I had some pizza, hot like DiGiorno.

[Ddynamo]

granted
but it's hotter than the surface of the sun and is inedible

I wish that I get infinite wishes from genies

[SOLDIER First]

Granted.
You wish so much you die.
I wish I had an ocarina of time.

[shinyarceus4]

Granted, but it takes you back to before atoms could form, and you vaporize.

I wish my internet was better.

[SOLDIER First]

Granted. It's now so fast it loads the page before you click the link, causing a wormhole.
I wish I had a pet fox.

[WillowLuman]

Granted but you must house train it.

I wish for INPUT. ERROR: INSUFFICIENT INPUT.

[SOLDIER First]

Granted. ERROR CORRECTED.
ERROR: INPUT TOO SUFFICIENT.

I wish for a pony again.

[IronTomato]

Granted. The same thing happens. 

I wish for infinite Pootis.

[wer6]

Granted, you immediately choke to death from the lack fo air and too much pootis and Pootis's replace the universe, excluding you.

I wish for  one ticket to meet cuthulu and live.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, though he doesn't have anything to say to you.

I wish I remembered what my insurance ID# was.

[wer6]

Granted, it in the bottom of this jar of barbed wire, Salt, and  mouse traps, A big jar no less, its also bolted to the floor.

I wish for A jar of Barbed wire, Salt, and mouse traps bolted to the floor and is large.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, it is your new apartment.

I wish for Earthbending.