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[Rhyme]

You get your fish, but no one understands the joke.

I wish my computer could run Arma 3

[Playergamer]

Granted. Your computer runs ArmA 3 at 1 FPS.

I wish my computer could run ArmA 3 well.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Granted,it runs it at 2FPS.

I wish for a horrible fate.

[Aseaheru]

Granted. You die via hugging.

I wish for my nose not to be stuffy.

[flame99]

Granted. You no longer have any facial orifices.

I wish for Dwarf Fortress 2013

[Aseaheru]

We allready have it.

I wish for this toi make more sense.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Granted. The increased sense granted kills you from the awful reality of it.

I wish I had more corruptions to give out and use on myself.

[Playergamer]

Granted. There is a clause where all of these corruptions must directly effect YOU.

I wish for some smoked salmon.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Granted. The genie is dim-witted and hard of hearing.

As long as he grants my actual wishes like my wish stated, fine by me!

I wish for some smoked salmon.

Granted! A giant salmon lands on top of your house, and to smoke it, your house is set on fire!
Slightly less obnoxious: You get a couple hundred tons of smoked salmon delivered to all your doors. Good luck getting out of your house ever again, let alone before the salmon begins to rot...

I wish I could think of a good wish.

[wer6]

Granted, however, the wish you thought up was " A wish", Hue hue

I wish for Gold fountain.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Granted. It is molten gold. You burn to death bathing in it.

I wish for to be the most hated thing ever, and to suffer for it.

[My Name is Immaterial]

You are the cutest puppy on earth, and nobody can properly belly scratch.

I wish I was funnier.

[flame99]

Granted. You are so funny that people laugh at you all the time. When your family dies in a tragic accident, people start laughing when you tell them. You walk out onto the top a tall building, yell that you're going to jump, and get laughed at. You leap off, and you plunge downwards at terminal velocity, to the riotous laughter of the crowd below. To this day, your body is on display at a circus, decomposing and unburied, where people still laugh at you.

I wish I didn't feel so depressed after writing the above.

[Chink]

Granted. Your maniacal laughing for after writing the above lasts for 1 hour, 42 minutes, and 6 seconds before you suffer heart failure from laughing too much.

I wish I had 30,000 U.S. dollars in a briefcase in my hand right now. The currency would be in 100 dollar bill form, and would not appear to be fake to anyone who inspected. The bill, of course, would come in pristine condition, with nothing else but the briefcase appearing with them. The briefcase would not be locked, and it would not be able to harm me in any way.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Granted. You get shot by a thief with x-ray goggles, who takes the briefcase. Before stomping your skull in with football boots.

I wish to be....something. Anything.