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[Just Some Guy]

Granted. However, they have a completely different concept of good and evil than humans do. Their "evil" deeds are nothing but annoying to you.
I wish for utilitarianist plants.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Their morality and efficiency causes humanity to submit themselves to their rule voluntarily, due to being so humbled.

I wish more communities were as nice as Bay12 forums.

[My Name is Immaterial]

Bay 12 isn't nice anymore.

I wish for a fish.

[WillowLuman]

No, My Name Is Immaterial, you ARE the fish. All of them.

I wish motorcycle jousting was a major sport.

[RAM]

It gets so bogged down with obscure rules, dull regulations, and an irritating tendency to disqualify participants for arcane and dubious reasons that the idea loses its appeal.

I wish that my second death released me from my S.C.P..

[Lenglon]

Granted, however each death was only your first, and you have never had a second death, because when you respawn/reincarnate/resurrect, it is always as a different person. as such you're still in S.C.P.

I wish for a motorcycle that unfolds into a card table.

[RAM]

But, I was a ghost, and then I died, but I am still in the S.C.P.? And I didn't respawn or resurrect, and I have only reincarnated the once, and have died twice since then?

Meh, you find that whenever you go out the cards blow everywhere, and it is awkward to get the motorcycle indoors, so you just never bother using it. Occasionally you remember about it folding into a card table and feel regret that you never use it...

I wish that forever expired so that the terms of my imprisonment are concluded.

[Lenglon]

Granted, time stops, the universe comes to a halt, and nobody and nothing can do anything, at all, ever again.

I wish I had a pet winged flying cat.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. It drives 13 key species of bird into extinction.

I wish for the return of actually funny parody movies.

[RAM]

They have an abundance of genuinely funny moments, but are also heavily racially and religiously biased and you feel terrible for watching them.

I wish that the paradox inherent in the term 'ever' existing in a timeless environment reset the universe to before I was imprisoned.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You were never the reincarnation of Tesla. Welcome back to Life, Walter Raleigh.

I wish for the English and French languages to manifest in humanoid form and have a caged fight in Canada.

[Demdemeh]

Granted. French wins. All speakers of English now have no language, and are unable to communicate until they learn a new one, unless they already know one.

I wish I could be multiple places at the same time, and have each iteration of me operate to my full potential, fully independently of the others, but that they all share the same knowledge and experience.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You're a real bastard, so you use your recent multiple citizenship identities to start nuclear war, leaving your small 1-acre state free to conquer the crippled planet. 100 years later, after the revolution, it is sworn that your name shall never be spoken again, and all knowledge of you is erased from history.

I wish for French to move onto the next match in the Lingual Pugilistic Tournament.

[jaccarmac]

Granted, but it runs away, delaying the tournament forever.

I wish that I had my laptop back.

[Demdemeh]

Granted. Members of several international police forces show up at your house, due to its heinous contents.

I wish that wherever I passed, and aura of cleanliness and aura followed.