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[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. It only works if you put the chicken in alive.

I wish for a glass sun.

[RAM]

They disappear after a moment.

I wish for the same sunglasses.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. You get a pair of what appear to be perfectly fine sunglasses. Go ahead! Put them on! I'll just watch.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I WISH FOR MORE SUNGLASSES.

[Carzak]

Granted, your blood turns into sunglasses and you explode violently.

I wish dwarf fortress update would hurry up but still be as functional if they took their time

[Just Some Guy]

Granted. However, you encounter some problems with a new feature in which a dwarf may randomly stop whatever he's doing and go to a corner to weep while in a fetal position. When this happens, the game announces Urist McDwarf cancels X: overcome by existential conundrum.

I wish I could shoot fireballs from my eyes.

[squiddwarf16]

Granted. The fireballs you shoot are so tiny they burn out almost immediately, but they last just long enough to cause you permanent ocular damage.

I wish for some icecream.

[Just Some Guy]

Granted. It's poison flavor ice cream.
I wish I didn't accidentally my laptop.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted, you purposefully your laptop.

I wish to know how to have a rotate-on-refresh avatar.

[RAM]

You cannot control where it gets its images from and are promptly banned because, well, internet...

I wish to be a lemming with some innocent civilians to attack.

P.S.
 Poison-flavoured ice-cream is pretty much a good thing. Poisons are not known for tasting bad...

[My Name is Immaterial]

Granted. They are at the bottom of a cliff, watching you jump.

I wish I could be motivated enough to do my homework and stop screwing around here.

[RAM]

For the rest of your brief but momentous life you are irritated by people constantly comparing you to Hitler. Why couldn't you have been the first to do this...

I wish to be three people with shared mind.

P.S.
 I leap not from the cliff, but at my victims!

[Gentlefish]

Granted. Two die because it's hard to keep track of three bodies, and the third goes mad because he fully experienced the death of the other two. Congratulations.

I wish the skies remained clear in my local area until tomorrow evening.

[My Name is Immaterial]

Granted. Alien craft swarm the skies that evening.

I wish my friends were more reliable.

[intelligentmoron]

Granted, your friends function within normal parameters 24/7, 365 days a year

I wish to be the dictator of a small Caribbean island.

[Corai]

Granted. The people revolt and kill you soon after.

I wish for a utopia.