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[Remuthra]

But it's being underdone that causes food poisoning!

[Just Some Guy]

Oh. missed that.

[RAM]

Ah, but they never specified that the over-done burger was actually responsible for the food-poisoning!

The Eiffel tower achieve interstellar space flight by flying through an unstable warp in the form of space. The Eiffel tower and all its contents are shredded, crushed, battered, twisted, stretched and otherwise mangled beyond any hope of recognition while the former site of the Eiffel tower, relative to earth, is now a rapidly gaining black hole...

I wish that physics was less depressing...

[Just Some Guy]

Granted. Now it's downright hilarious. No physicist can stop laughing, bringing scientific advancement to a standstill.

I wish David Bryne did a cover of "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

[RAM]

It happens in a karaoke event and you never know about it.

I wish to be the physical manifestation of rule 34.

[Loud Whispers]

Error in quantities, minus one, lurk more. Unseen and unnoticed, the universe forgets you as you watch on.

I wish that humanity didn't fuck up the multiple times human civilization has entered periods of cultural enlightenment.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. Unfortunately 'cultural enlightenment' depends upon the viewer. As the world progressed, each 'enlightening' was at least marginally successful, and the world is now a splintered mess of different religious factions and political sects, all absolutely against eachother, (much more so than it used to be). Now occupying this new tribal world, be glad of the stunted scientific advancement- if nuclear weapons had been developed, they'd have been used.


I wish to have the ability of going backwards in time a few seconds minutes while retaining full but normal knowledge of what I'm doing and what I previously did.

[Aseaheru]

Granted. however the DM decides that requires a natural 20 and you only have a 6-sided die.

I wish for a saner population of the world.

[Remuthra]

Granted. The Earth is now made entirely of accountants.
I wish imgur opened its image selection window centered on the pictures folder instead of the documents folder.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Granted. however the DM decides that requires a natural 20 and you only have a 6-sided die.

I wish for a saner population of the world.

>I am pleased to discover all 6 sides are 20s.

Granted. All the 'clinically schizophrenic' people in the world suffer a brain aneurysm. You monster.
ninjas everywhere


Granted, unfortunately the update FUBAR'd the servers and everyone's content is mix&matched. Hilarity & death ensue.

I wish to be more responsible.

Looked up the service I don't use, my grant didn't fit, therefore retracted.

[Komra]

Granted. To ensure that the file you want is in the pictures folder, Imgur now includes a worm that places every file on your computer within the pictures folder.

I wish for a free, new 5TB solid-state drive without a burnout period.

[RAM]

In order to be truly free, the object is spontaneously generated. You are immediately executed by the secret physics police for violating the conservation of energy.

I wish for greater personal freedom at the cost of professional freedom.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. Your 'free time' has an exceptional level of personal freedom- due to being an escaped fugitive. In the meantime, you will eat sleep and live in professional austerity. Your new career field: slavery. Congratulations.

I wish to be more responsible.

[RAM]

IT WAS YOU!!!

I wish for a working theory of gravity manipulation that exceeds the associated manipulation of mass.

P.S.
 Wouldn't a fugitive have all manner of hiding-related duties that would result in reduced freedom relative to a typical citizen? I mean, you are even probably more observant of laws due to the hazards involved in official scrutinisation...

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. The first test opens a black hole.


I wish to have the mutation of the character wolverine from the comic Xmen.



P.S.
Everyone knew your face and profession by heart. Therefore knowing laws was superfluous. Besides attempting to hide yourself, (which is entirely optional, therefore freedom), you aren't bound by the social contract and therefore have no obligation not to pillage, rape, and run screaming down the street while wearing nothing but your flaming underpants about your head. If you so chose.