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[RAM]

Granted, but your practises are so subtle and bizarre that nobody recognises your work. In a fit of pride you forgo your subtlety completely and announce yourself with an act to villainous and overt that you are sealed away forever as your works are systematically undone.

Looc saw deoc sdrawckab in ingklat tath shiw I.
I want a horse.

[Remuthra]

Granted, you get a horse.
To the Face!
You have been struck down.

I wish for more Dwarvenly ways to kill things. I only have 6 or 7 currently.

[RAM]

Your C.P.U. explodes and dwarves emerge from the wreckage. The possess 7 ways to kill you and perform them all at once. Somehow this is not awesome, probably the direct intervention of narrative forces, perhaps the dwarves are all scrappies...

I wish to live in a narrative-bound universe.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. You are forced to listen to every narrative of every person in the world.

I wish for epic deathcore metal music.

[Zephyr]

Granted. It's so awesome and incredibly METAL that the world implodes!!! >_< \nn/

I wish I could... think of something o_o

[RAM]

something

    An uncertain or unspecified thing; one thing.

        I must have forgotten to pack something, but I can't think what.
        I have something for you in my bag.
        I have a feeling something good is going to happen today.

I wish to burn the books, burn them all!

[Gentlefish]

Granted. You burn all the bad romance books. Thank you!

I wish for an above-average artistic talent.

[RAM]

It turns out that the average person can't draw anything more impressive, or expressive, than a static stick figure. You can now draw static stick figures with spiky hair...

I wish for the ability to instantly determine what the average value is in any quality that I choose to.

[Emral282]

Granted, you can become average in any quality you choose to, thus finding out what the average value is. Too bad you change back.

I wish for laser eye beams

[Gentlefish]

You now have laser levels for eyes.

I wish I could fire mah lazor.

[RAM]

Your wish is interpreted as a euphemism and 'fires' your 'lazor'. You end up burned in places that you would rather not know about...

me wish me gramma me gud me spelt me gud to

[Komra]

Granted. Because of your skill, you become an English teacher. Unfortunately, you are now in North Korea and are immediately sentenced to death as a Western Capitalist dog.

I wish for no wishes, retroactively.

[Remuthra]

Granted, wishes no longer work when affecting you, and never did. Fun Fact: All good things in life come from the same power source as wishes.

I wish I was a better writer.

[jaxy15]

Granted. You are the best writer the world has ever known, and become a billionaire. You are soon assassinated for your money.

I wish I had a better computer.

[Zephyr]

granted. but nobody can read it. (perhaps next time you won't write your next novel completely in LATIN.)

I wish I could read Latin now.