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[Talvieno]

Granted. Unfortunately, you're so excited for your cleansing that you forget to read the instructions - on anything. You foolishly take said magnesium citrate right before your yoga class. You're left feeling very, very healthy... but you're the only one in the room who feels that way.

I wish long-distance relationships were easier.

[Remuthra]

Granted. The weak nuclear force is now much stronger. Earth is quickly pulled into the sun, which also quickly implodes.

I wish my threads would update.

[Komra]

Granted. Your clothes are now of a more in-fashion style. Others envy you and therefore hate you.

I wish for a pound of singularity.

[RAM]

You receive a singular pound, a comical lump rises from your head at the point of impact.

I wish for nuclear proliferation.

[Remuthra]

Granted. Most atoms now have a nucleus. You wonder at how things were before this wish.

I wish for numbers.

[RAM]

2318008 7331

I wish for Santa Claus' telephone number.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. It's a shame he doens't have a telephone.

I wish chicken in a biscuits were a little more literal.

[RAM]

Granted, you have been stuffed into a biscuit...

I wish that everything was super epically awesome to the extreme!!!

[Emral282]

Granted. That's now normal.

I wish for large amounts of shiny thingys.

[Guardian G.I.]

Granted. A giant horde of crows steal all your shiny thingies.

I wish I could accurately percieve the feelings of other people.

[Fniff]

You quickly find out they all hate you. Everyone. Even you.

I wish for faster internet.

[RAM]

For the rest of your life, every data storage device that you own reaches its capacity within two hundredths of a second of being connected to the internet. 99.999% of the content is spam...

I wish to have the ability to spontaneously and untraceably distribute any message that I choose to every message reception entity in the world.

[Komra]

Granted. Unfortunately, the ability is linked directly into your brainwaves. Your every thought, including those of your identity, is constantly distributed to the entire world.

I wish that Texas Instruments would make a new calculator that doesn't look like something from the 80's.

[penguify]

Granted. Their latest model looks like an iPod touch. They don't let you use it on exams, you constantly fat-finger the tiny little buttons, and it has a battery life of 16 hours. It is not rechargeable.

I wish Andrew Hussie would stop making me sad.

[Zephyr]

Granted! he makes you dead! (one too many "fan" e-mails and ANYONE will eventually *SNAP*)

I wish i could be more creative in the art of corruption.