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[wer6]

granted: it is now the 1880's: have fun with no bay12.

i wish for SS13.

[Audioworm333]

Granted. Some asshole toolboxes you to death and spaces your corpse as soon as the round starts.

I wish for pizza.

[Jellycat12]

Granted. The pizza has deadly poison in it.

I wish for no one to be able to say 'moist' in my presence.

[Spinal_Taper]

Granted. They now use the term "wet".

I wish that the worlds ran on my schedule.

[wer6]

they run on a schedule of clockwork precision: KILL ALL DEM HUMANS: you are the first casualty.

I wish for kobold and elf's fighting in a world war: with the dwarfs watching and the humans selling guns like a republican: and the animal man are still being hippy. while i will be watching safely from my space station.

[Jellycat12]

Granted. The war goes on for so long it spreads to outer space, and you get caught in the crossfire.

I wish that no one would be able to beat me at rock paper scissors.

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

Granted. The war goes on for so long it spreads to outer space, and you get caught in the crossfire.

I wish that no one would be able to beat me at rock paper scissors.

Granted, people add lizard and spock, and you have no ability in that game.

I wish the Doctor actually existed.

[Jellycat12]

Granted. You never encounter him.

I wish to be able to telepathically communicate with ducks, but only on odd numbered days.

[pisskop]

Granted, on even numbered days the ducks can talk to you one way.  All day, all you hear is Quack, quack, Quack, Quack...

I wish the semi-cute girls in the oasis didn't keep pestering me.

Spoiler: extraneous (click to show/hide)

 Yes, you aren't ugly, no Im not interested, No Im not gay Im abstinent.  Stop, just stop, cleavage and bending over to to pick up your pen is cliche.

[misko27]

Granted. You are horrifically deformed. No one ever pesters you again.
 
I wish some people would realize their problems are exactly what other people want.

[Jellycat12]

Granted. Everyone knows and they get uncomfortable at best.

I wish for a blessed figurine of a pony.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Granted, now everyone is more miserable. They discover who did it. You are lynched.

Granted. It turns into a hostile pony due to bad luck.

I wish I could not die unless I in my rational mind decided I should.

[IronTomato]

Granted. You don't have a rational mind, and so you are now immortal.

I wish for a Twix. It isn't poisoned or spoiled.

[Jellycat12]

Granted. Your friend eats it.

I wish cake.

[IronTomato]

Granted. Your friend eats it.

I wish for candleja