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[The Doctor]

Granted, parents pull all their children out of school, thinking the blue ball machine is porn.

I wish for sauce. Mustard sauce. On pork chops. With a side-order of penis.

[Nomadic]

Granted. The side order is stuck in your side... your backside that is.

I wish I had my own cthulu kirby

[Zako]

Granted, it becomes possesed by an angry spirit and rips your spine out through  your gut.

I wish that I had the music CD called "The Austrian Death Machine".

[Peewee]

Granted. You HAD the CD but forgot to copy the music before you threw it away.

I wish I had an apple pie.

[Poltifar]

granted. an apple pie is flung into your face.

i wish Spore would come out early

[Zako]

Granted, but since it came out so early, its now crap.

I wish for a tasty lunch.

[Kashyyk]

Granted, it is so tasty you wan't to eat it again, so you then proceed to eat your own stomach

I wish for a Helicopter

[Ryo]

Granted, it appears 1 metre above you, then falls and crushes you.

I wish this wish didn't get corrupted. Let's see how you corrupt that.

[Zako]

Its been done.

Granted, you are sucked into a black hole created by a paradox.

I wish that the blood banks were full. Kindness abounds!

[Dae]

Granted. Each and every humans' blood is sucked out of their body and flies until the nearest blood banks until the whole building is full, drowning everything that survived in it.

I wish I hadn't wished this.

[Neoskel]

Granted. Your wish involving the word 'this' is not wished. However, the wish to wish the wish you wished is still wished. With fish. That swish. And go squish.

I wish that all planets were shaped like cubes.

[Techhead]

Granted. While sleepwalking you find the edge of the world, trip, and fall off.
I wish mars was copper-rich instead of iron-rich, making the planet green instead of red.

[Jetman123]

Granted, but the planet is now populated with green martian men. Because they blend in so well with the planet's dust, visiting astronauts cannot see them. As a result, they are horribly murdered. NASA is invaded the next day, followed by the rest of the world.

I wish I had a dehumidifier right now.

[Immortal]

You do but it is broken.
I wish I had a giant cake!

[Zako]

Granted, you fall in it and drown in the ocean of icing. Which is stale.

I wish that I actually have a good wish.