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[Owie]

Granted. Than bomb in there with you never even scratched anyone else.

I wish paper wouldn't wrinkle when it dries.

[Zako]

Granted, it falls apart instead.

I wish that I am impervious to all harm.

[Jualin]

Granted. You are placed an indestructible safe with cushions. The space is cramped to restrict movement to prevent you from hurting yourself. You are fed liquids through multiple filters which essentially turn the taste of any liquid into that of water, and you are fed white gruel that tastes like toilet paper and has the consistency of mud. Your entertainment consists of a series of songs that cannot be told apart from each other because the volume on them is turned all the way down just in case. That does help you a little, because the business policy at the place of your entombment demands that your music be chosen by your sworn enemies.

I wish for glory in life!

[Zako]

Granted, your glory in life is how you die painfully.

I wish that I go on an ultimate quest!

[Nilocy]

Granted. But because there has been so many ultimate quests the quest givers started to run out of ideas. So in turn your eventually give the ultimate quest of rescuing a paper clip from certain doom after falling out of a building. Sadly in your attempt to shield the paper clip from falling from this unsaid hegiht of a building, you die.

I wish i had Countstrike source.

[Owie]

Granted. You strike a Counterstrike source in your backyard, and are immediately shot up.

I wish for a preview of the new DF version.

[Jualin]

Granted. A group of time travelers from the future arrive with a copy of the next release. They leave it with, but with threats to kill you if you ever play DF again. You do. Then you start loosing limbs every time you fall asleep.

I wish for a portable thermos that never runs out of lukewarm pure water, is indestructible, and never overflows.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. It's sealed tightly and never opens.

I wish for hot female genies who grant wishes and perform various services. Like omg wouldn't it be great to have grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches anytime you wanted? For reals.

[Nilocy]

Granted, but the genie is a really hot shemale. And she constantly gets your wishes mixed up with the underworld. So you always get things like zombie grilled cheese that tries to eat you.

I wish companies would realise that piracy isn't a crime. Its a way of life.

[Owie]

Granted. All companies have decided that life is a threat to business.

I wish there were domesticated bears.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. But you also have to deal with rabbits in your rosebushes.

I wish for more hot links!

[Neoskel]

Fresh sausages, coming right up!

I wish all the pokemon in all the new pokemon games turned into Missingno.s.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. But the game still sucks balls.

I wish you would just catch them all already.

[Neoskel]

I did. In Red, Blue and Yellow. Even in Gold and Silver. But then the new ones came out. Well except Mew and Celebe. (My wish was meant as a sabotage, not a game enhancer  )

Ok, fine. A real corruption.

I did, but they're all busy sucking your balls. You'll never be able to play ping pong now! 

I wish i could relive the 90s.

[Zako]

Granted, you are trapped in a small, cramped, padded room, playing crappy 90's songs loudly. Over and over again...

I wish for a safe wish.