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[jaina]

granted you receive a spoiled orange covered in every known and unknown bacteria and virus. All life ends from a massive pandemic.

I wish for a dime from 1963

[Paras]

Granted, the Dime is indeed from 1963 because carbon dating dictates so. Unfortunately, the dime is completely black from unknown causes, thus making it's value 0 because it is hard to identity what it is. 

I wish Twi was my brother, too bad he's a girl though.

[jaina]

granted twi enters the marine core with you, thus you become "brothers in arms". You are both killed two days later messing around with your grenade launchers.

I wish for this wish to go exactly as planned and to behave exactly the way I want it to.

[empfan]

Exactly after the wish worked, you died from cancer, making it useless.

I wish dwarves were real

[Dragor23]

Granted. They flooded the world with magma.

I wish for Dwarf Fortress 3.94.32

[jaina]

granted, but it only runs on windows 95

I wish for lime jell-o to encase Minnesota

[Paras]

Granted, the jell-o encases Minnesota and everyone suffocates or dies from severe diabetes(it's a lot of sugar).

I wish I was a penguin. 

[empfan]

Granted, you died of heat exaustion

I wish I was a pikachu who could defend himself.

[jaina]

granted, you are still captured by team rocket and used in a nefarious plot that ends in your death as ash was not there to save you.

I wish I was immune to any harm and could only die when I wished to.

[empfan]

granted, you got lost in the forest and wished you were dead from starvation

I wish I was god

[Paras]

Granted, but the real god comes over and smacks the crap out of you which results in you being mortal again.

I wish I was a penguin who could survive in any environment.

[empfan]

granted, you were mauled to death by a lion.

I wish I was the REAL god

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. You are the REAL God of... something. You didn't specify what sphere you govern or what, so I'm going to assign you as the REAL God of Nothing. Enjoy being homeless.

I wish I was a reploid.

[Phantom of The Library]

Granted, however you are quickly killed by Vile since you get in between him and X.

I wish that I had the power of Nothing.  Nothing is eternal. Nothing lasts forever.  Nothing can defeat the greatest heroes.

[empfan]

granted, you are god of nothing, which in itself is something, destroying your sanity and existence

I wish to be a Knight who say Eki Eki Eki Phatang