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[FuzzyZergling]

Granted. Their wishes are so well thought-out and described that nobody can think of a way to corrupt them.

I wish I became more powerful the longer my hair grows, with baldness as normal human strength.

[rarborman]

Granted but the magic makes you go bald.

I wish my cardboard box radio didnt look so cheap.

[Zecro_The_Scourge]

You attempt to make it prettier by painting it and attaching flash gitz to it but without your "Strife specibus" you fail to do so.

I wish that humanity united as one

[terkiey]

They unite as one, horribly mangled piece of flesh.

I wish that I was allowed to make wishes that were not understandable.

[Zecro_The_Scourge]

Wish granted, but suddenly you turn into a vegetable from the complexity and madness of one of your wishes.

I wish for dalek.

[terkiey]

You get kelad.

I wish for kelad.

[raptorfangamer]

Granted, but you get poisoned from it.
I wish for a teaser of the complete (3021) dwarf fortress version, even if it is an eldritch abomination of gaming

[Vorthon]

Granted. It isn't an eldritch abomination of gaming, but rather awesome incarnate, to the point that merely glimpsing it causes you to be immolated like a planet caught in a supernova. Even though it takes only a second for you to be vaporized, the agony and pain seems to stretch on forever.

I wish I had the ability to transmute materials into other materials.

[obolisk0430]

Granted, every thing you touch turns into rotting flesh.
I wish my spanish assignment was done.

[FuzzyZergling]

Granted. It is completed in a terrible manner, and you are forced to redo it.

I wish I was Broseiden, god of the Brocean.

[terkiey]

Granted, the Brocean disappears.

I wish that stab.

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. You get 'that stab', a level 75 wound with the 'bind on flesh' and 'health -50 per sec' enchantments. Since you're not level 75, you cannot unequip it from your inventory in anyway whatsoever.

You bleed to death.

I wish I was a horribad monstrosity from the frabjous realms of Skyrim.

[obolisk0430]

You get killed by some asshole adventurer who shouts too loudly.
I wish I had more time to do my schoolwork, while still being able to have fun.

[terkiey]

You do both at the same time, which makes the world explode.

I wish that stab was safe.

[Vorthon]

Granted. It is safe, but it still hurts like hell. Cue a bunch of people stabbing you repeatedly for all those incoherent wishes.

I wish that I could transmute any material into any other material, at will.