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[mutant mell]

Granted.  However, the mutant of a mutant is a normal person, so you end up with a cake made out of your own leg.

Oh yeah, you don't have your left leg anymore.

I wish I could get down from here!

[Nilocy]

Granted, you do by reversing gravity and you start flying up to the skies. You die from suffocation.

I wish for a puppy that aint dead, or can be killed, or can kill me, my family and friends, and my postman.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. The cake was a standard cake, which mutated to make it a mutant cake, and then mutated again which reverted almost all its properties to those of a standard cake.

Beware eating it though, as it tastes horrible.

I wish for moar blood for the blood god.

[muwahahaha]

Granted, Blood God worshippers come to your house with +Pitchfork+s and sacrifice you.

I wish I never had to go to work, and instead whenever I went to buy something, the money for it would appear in my bank account from a legit source and wasn't investigated.

[Dr. Melon]

The Mafia get you.

I wish that this smiley wasn't here.

[Nilocy]

Granted. Everyone else can't see it, only you can, your goiiinnggg craaazziieee.

I wish i was crazy.

[Peewee]

Granted. You are now melancholy.

I wish, how I wish, I wish I were a fish.

[Floirt]

Granted, you are now a DF turtle. Have fun being fished, eaten alive and your shell used in some fey mood that will likely produce some useless artifact!

I wish I'd be a (mad) scientist.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Granted. One day you're swimming in your brook, when you spot something tasty dangling into the water. You swim up and bite it, but it turns out to be a dwarf fishing with his beard. He grabs you, bites all your flesh off in one dextrous tongue and lip motion, leaving just your skeleton and fish head. In the moment you still live, you find yourself thrown into a refuse pile full of dead mountain goats.

Granted, but you have no mad laboratory and so cannot create anything. You go melancholy and throw yourself into a mud puddle.

I wish to be content.

[Nilocy]

Granted. due to a computer error your now a contenant, can't be alive and be a solid land mass at the same time.

I wish upon a star, that i were a real boy.

[Sean Mirrsen]

Granted. You're now a real boy, up on Tau Ceti. Your wonder and anxiety over being the first human being to be outside of the Solar System is quickly replaced by a suspicious feeling that being on a star is a pretty bad position, specifically due to the fact that it's pretty darn hot out there, and you're without a spacesuit. The carbon compounds from your evaporated corpse have shortened the expected longevity of Tau Ceti by approxiately 0.000138 picoseconds.

I wish that aliens invaded, and were defeated by our military, forcing them to become our slaves.

[Helmaroc]

Granted, alien slaves are now a common thing, and they are fairly efficient. However, protests begin a few decades in the future, and eventually the aliens gain rights and end up restoring their forces and killing us all.

I wish for some good oatmeal.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted, but your alien slave ruins the good oatmeal and makes you sick.

I wish everyone loved each other!

[mutant mell]

Granted.  Peoples universal love of the really, really good oatmeal turns out to be the catalyst for people loving each other.  People live on in harmony.  However, just because people love each other doesn't mean they're not still greedy.  The prices of Oatmeal skyrocket, and as a result people either go for oatmeal and become poverty sticken, or don't eat precious, precious oatmeal.  From the ensuing division, half the people hate each other, the other half love each other.  The people who hate each other destroy all the oatmeal factories, and then humanity erupts in civil war.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I wish you never clicked on that spoiler button

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. Instead we clicked the "Rickroll Mutant Mell" button and it pops up on the inside of your eyelids, so there is no escape but to keep your eyes open and let them dry out. Forever.

I wish people would post wishes with more corrupt intentions.