Speed rolls:
Pufferfish: 5+3=8
Ozarck: 8+0=8
bigjaredmonkey: 4+2=6
Salsacookies: 4+1=5
Nirur Torir: 3+1=4
Andres: 6-2=4
The DOOM CRUISER: 4-4=0
Pufferfish: RED ROVER RED ROVER KEEP SCANNING, OVER. I CHOOSE DOOMCROOZER MK II AND MR WEASEL TO CHARGE Scan: [8+4] More data added. You're getting ever closer to perfect precision of the DOOM CRUISER's health. However, passing through your chosen links means you had to head to mid range temporarily.
Ozarck: fire the railgun. aim at the biggest hole that doesn't have one of our ships parked in it. Aim: [5+1+1] Dodge [4-4]
The railgun strikes for 210 damage.
bigjaredmonkey: Press Z or R twice (dodge incoming attack)The trollship prepares to dodge any incoming attacks. Mandatory physics roll: [1] Suddenly, the trollship locks up, and something detonates within it. -50 health. (Yeah I rolled this last turn too. I only show it if it fails.) Still, dodge preparations are complete. Also the Super Magnetic Railgun continues charging.
Salsacookies: Continue NOM NOM NOMMINGThe Salsa Grinder deals 220 damage this turn, adding to your stock of metal.
Nirur Torir: Comm Jammer with every Caramelldansen remix! Take evasive action, I guess. The Comm Jammer is engaged. Countless versions of Caramelldansen blare out of every speaker of the DOOM CRUISER. At least, all the internal speakers anyway, you think. You are now a higher priority target. Also you get a bonus to dodging this turn.
Andres: Keep charging. Another level of charge is added to the WMG.
The DOOM CRUISER: Fire the mass drivers!A number of large metal tubes suddenly jut out from the DOOM CRUISER's surface and take aim at various players.
4 large packets of junk make their way towards Andres! (The rng hates you evidently. 5% chance to be hit once with your current priority, and you get chosen for a third of the barrage.)
Aim: [4+4][2+4][8+4][2+4]
Dodge: [2-2][3-2][2-2][2-2] (I stand corrected, the rng wants you completely obliterated for no good reason.
The first hit smashes into their shields, taking them out in a single hit. The next 3 impact for heavy damage. -340 health.
Nirur Torir has managed to draw enough ire to warrant 3 packets.
Aim: [7+4][4+4][6+4]
Dodge: [4+1+1][6+1+1][6+1+1]
The first and last one hit, adding up to 10 hull damage.
Two packets get fired at Pufferfish.
Aim: [6+4][7+4]
Dodge: [5+2][8+2]
Both hit, but the second only barely. Their shields are broken, and their hull takes 180 damage.
A single shot gets fired at Ozarck, as well as bigjaredmonkey and Salsacookies.
Aim: [1+4]
Dodge: [6+0]
Ozarck's ship narrowly avoids the packet.
Aim: [7+4]
Dodge: [2+1+1]
bigjaredmonkey doesn't fare as well, and the packet smashes through their shields, dealing 75 damage to the hull.
[Aim:8+4-1]
[Dodge: 8+1]
The packet destroys the shields of Salsacookies, and deals 50 damage to their hull.
After all this, the tubes neatly lock back into the DOOM CRUISER's armor, as if they were never there. Next attack in 2 turns. Player shields regenerate now.
Players:
Nirur Torir: Medium range.
Pufferfish: Medium range.
Andres: Long range.
bigjaredmonkey: Long range, separated from other players.
Salsacookies: Short range.
Ozarck: Long range.
Nirur Torir: Scapegoat-class wild weasel shuttle
Desc: The Scapegoat class wild weasel shuttle is designed to draw enemy fire, and either tank it or dodge it to divert damage from weaker ships.
Health: 200/300
Shields: 20/100 Regens 20 per turn.
Speed: +1
Aim: +0
Dodge: +1
Armaments:
Light Machine Gun: 10 damage per hit. 5 shots per turn. Fires at +1 accuracy. Works well at any range.
Mini-Missiles: 50 damage per hit. 3 shots per turn. Slight homing effect. 12 ammo. Works best at mid range.
Flak Cannon: 75 damage per hit. 3 shots per turn. Fires at +1 accuracy. Works best at close range. 9 ammo.
Comm Jammer: Plays annoying music at the DOOM CRUISER, among other things in order to divert its attention. While active, you become a higher priority target. Currently active.
Pufferfish: Red Rover
Desc: The Red Rover is designed primarily as a support vehicle. Its high speed allows it to travel about the area with ease. It also has scanning equipment.
Health: 170/250
Shields: 10/50 Regens 10 per turn.
Speed: +3
Aim: +0
Dodge: +2
Armaments:
Link Engine: Creates an electronic link of sorts between this ship and two teammates. Passing through those teammates increases the power of the RR-Cannon. It also replenishes their shields by 25 points, as well as your own. Be sure to specify targets at the start of your turn.
RR-Cannon: This cannon draws power directly from the Link Engine. It has a starting power of 50, and this doubles each time the links are passed through, up to a maximum of 800. Works best at mid range. Fires at +2 accuracy. Current damage at 200.
Scanning Array: Allows you to scan and gather more data about a target. The closer you are, the more data you gain, and the better it is.
Andres: Ultimate Signifier WMG Platform Battleship
Desc: The Ultimate Signifier is designed to do one job, and one job very well. It may be slow, and it might not be able to dodge well, but it has a very, very, big gun, and that's all it needs, right?
Health: 60/400
Shields: 20/100 Regens 20 per turn.
Speed: -2
Aim: +2
Dodge: -2
Armaments:
WMG(Wave motion gun): The WMG is a gigantic laser cannon, large enough that even the DOOM CRUISER can't deny its power. However, a gun like that takes time to build enough energy in one place. For each turn of charging, the WMG gains 200 power, up to a maximum of 800. The WMG also does triple damage to shields, which is nice. The WMG works best at long range. Fires at +3 accuracy. Charge Level 2.
bigjaredmonkey: Interceptor utilizing troll science
Desc: This particular ship seems... off somehow, like it isn't really meant to exist in 3 dimensions. It seems to only exist based on some bizzare quirk of physics that could cause it to collapse at any moment. Damn if it can't fly well though. It seems to work primarily as a wide range attack craft.
Health: 25/150
Shields: 5/25 Regens 5 per turn.
Speed: +2
Aim: +1
Dodge: +1
Armaments:
Light Rifle: Propels small projectiles at the speed of light through some weird quirk of physics involving a flashlight. High chance of failing, but when it works, does 500 damage. Guaranteed to hit. The Light Rifle works at any range.
Magnet Drive: Uses the apparently free energy from magnets for infinite power, eventually. Obviously the ship can't hold infinite power in one place very long, so remember to shoot the railgun before the whole thing explodes from the tension.
Super Magnetic Railgun: Starts with 100 power, and increases by 25% each turn, up to a max of 300. 5 ammo. The Super Magnetic Railgun works best at long to mid range. Fires at +1 accuracy. Current damage is increased to 156.25.
Zeno Engine: Convinces incoming projectiles that they can't possibly reach this ship, because they'd have to get halfway first, and then etc/etc/etc. Lasts 1 turn. 5 turn cooldown. Manual activation required.
Unstable Core: When anything this vehicle does fails, it fails catastrophically.
Salsacookies: The Salsa Chunkifier
Desc: The salsa chunkifier was created mostly using parts from old meat processing factories. No one really knows why, but it grinds up metal almost as well as it does meat.
Health: 250/300
Shields: 10/50 Regens 10 per turn.
Speed: +1
Aim: +1
Dodge: +1
Armaments:
The Salsa Grinder: A veritable assortment of deadly grinding, slashing, and stabbing tools are mounted on the front of the Salsa Chunkifier in what amounts to a deadly whirl of blades. The Salsa Grinder deals 200 damage per turn as long as it remains in melee range, and while there, the remaining armour is weakened, causing other sources to do 10% extra damage.
Salsa Missiles: The salsa missiles are fairly weak, but if they penetrate a targets armor, they release enough heat to deal notable damage. 50 base damage, chance of 100 more. Less effective in vacuum. Works best at mid range, but close range is passable. 3 shots per turn. 15 ammo.
Recycling Factory: Recycles the metal that The Salsa Grinder eats up into usable material. The Salsa Chunkifier recovers 10% of the damage it deals. Alternatively, 1 salsa missile can be produced for every 400 damage dealt. Choose how you will allocate the metal you earn each turn carefully. 420 damage worth of scrap is stored.
Ozarck: Doom Cruiser Mk II
Desc: The Doom Cruiser Mk II was hastily thrown together to mock/confuse the DOOM CRUISER. It looks very much like a miniature DOOM CRUISER, but obviously it doesn't have the full complement of weapons you'd expect. A mock-up it may be, but its still a highly effective all rounder spacecraft.
Health: 400/400
Shields: 50/50 Regens 10 per turn.
Speed: +0
Aim: +0
Dodge: +0
Armaments:
Gauss Cannons: An array of gauss cannons that are highly effective at close range. 6 shots per turn, 40 damage each. Fires at +1 accuracy.
Railgun: A simple Railgun. 180 damage. Works best at long range. 1 shot per turn. 5 ammo. Fires at +1 accuracy.
Missiles: 75 damage per hit. 3 shots per turn. 9 ammo.
Next attack in 2 turns.
Estimated Health: Somewhere from 46,000 to 53,000. Remaining ~98% More data required for improved accuracy.
Known Weapons and Equipment:
Gauss Cannons: The DOOM CRUISER fires a small barrage from an array of Gauss guns. Targets random players. Average 30 damage per hit. 20 shots.
Mass Drivers: The DOOM CRUISER fires large packets of junk towards the players at high speed! Targets random players. Average 100 damage per hit. 12 shots.
DOOM Laser: The DOOM CRUISER fires a gigantic laser that annihilates every player. No attack 2 turns from now, due to overheating.
Everyone survives the first attack of DOOM, if only barely. Andres, the dice are evidently not in your favor, but there's really not anything I can do about that. I almost feel bad for you, but you survived so, eh. A reminder to bigjaredmonkey, the Zeno Engine is a manual activation. Remember that for next time.