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[The Big D]

Ok, so this is a reincarnation of the original Shortest Lived Forts thread which came up about 5 years ago, last post 2012.

Post your funny short-lived forts.

I'll start with one that just happened 5 minutes ago.

My dwarves embarked on an IDEAL spot, river, untamed wilds, lots of wood, plants etc. However, they parked the wagon on THE LARGEST PACK OF ALLIGATORS I HAVE EVER SEEN! About 12 of them in total. All 3 of my miners and the woodcutter were dragged into the river (did I mention we parked about two tiles from that) along with their picks and an axe. The remaining 3 ran off to the north towards a bend in the river.

Hippos.

[The Mystical Tim]

I can tell ya my shortest lived attempt at reclaiming a fort.

After losing my first fort and the first reclamation attempt to a forgotten beast, I decided to again attempt to retake 'PillarDrill'. My plan was to arrive when the creature was topside and immediately rush to the barracks where the entrance gate lever was, pull it and lock the FB out until Merchants slaughtered it. I arrived, the FB no-where in sight, I presumed near the edges of the map, and so I sent my dwarves into the fort and pulled the lever. I was quite happy I'd managed to seal the dwarves in, as this had been a good fort.

About 10 seconds later they saw the Beast in the living quarters.

[Naryar]

How did you even had a pack of 12 alligators ? They come by one, two or three, did you modded in bigger cluster sizes ?

[Mishrak]

I had two alligators that assaulted my starting dwarves and livestock while I was digging out the early parts of my fort.  One of them was getting totally annihilated by a single hunting dog, but the other one had mangled up my dwarves pretty bad while they were punching it to death.  It was unconscious, along with two other dwarves, one of the dwarves was badly hurt, and another was stunned.

[LuckyKobold]

I once Embarked next to a Cyclops, Didn't end happily ever after.

[Margrave]

After starting and retiring my first fort in the world of Gatalkar I decided I wanted to make a "water-town" type dwelling and turn it into a merchant hub in the middle of the world. Of course retiring my first fort had shifted the date so that my starting 7 arrived in winter on a temperate joyous wilds lake.

Late winter.

Right in the middle of the lake.

Spring has Arrived!

Turns out wagons (and dwarves) can't float well.

[fearlesslittletoaster]

Just yesterday I embarked half on the border between a sinister biome and a calm one. I wanted to play with the living dead and I figured that anything coming from the sinister half of the map would be within my ability to handle on embark. Then I would get dead goblins, cave monsters, etc and throw them where they would come back for scientific purposes.

Well I got to play with the dead all right. A whole flock of unliving ravens. Cue screaming, horrified dwarves being harried across the map until they lose eyes, ears, whatever and collapse. I never even got to strike the earth. 

[Thisfox]

I embarked on a nest of alligators, and in seconds had three healthy dwarves, a dwarf in a coma, and three half eaten corpses. That, though, turned out to be the best fort ever, which I tend to refer to as Alligator Creek, and other than a remarkable number of dwarves with missing limbs, it went very well. The alligators never really learned to leave us alone...

My shortest lived fort embarked on a cliff. I quickly dug a fort into the side of the bottom of the cliff, we put a huge pile of food inside, then one dwarf built an updown staircase at the back, and the whole thing filled with water. There was an aquifer level not below but ABOVE the fort. Whups. While trying to deal with THAT problem with the remaining undrowned dwarves, they all died from wild animal attack. NEXT!

[FoiledFencer]

I had not yet dug out anything underground when I learned that:

1) Evil rain doesn't just freak dwarves out, it can contain syndromes
2) Some syndromes will cause open wounds with bleeding, infections, miasma and tantrums that I was in no way prepared to handle.

Last survivor got kicked in the face by a zombie elk or what have you... I did not attempt to reclaim.

[pisskop]

Great Horned Owl Zombies.
  'Natural' zombies are as fast as their living counterparts.

[Sprin]

I embarked and the starting 7 exploded in 15.798 seconds... Clouds everybody!

[wierd]

When playing around with Embark! (a simple memory poke function of DFHack that allows embarking in "excluded" areas), while using DFHack to spawn obsidiant causeways and the like as part of an experiment in connecting continents with "Bridges"--  my dwarves spawned in a location that was not visible on the surface (Since it was ocean!), and died INSTANTLY after unpausing.  Cause of death unknown, but appeared to involve fire or magma. The announcement was that they "Died in the heat".

[The Big D]

How did you even had a pack of 12 alligators ? They come by one, two or three, did you modded in bigger cluster sizes ?

I may have exaggerated, there were 3 clusters of 3 nearby. It was untamed wilds and they were the predominant life forms in the units lift. The only other things were a few carp, the hippos and 4 giant sponges

Naryar, such a fan of your stuff.
Weird, likewise mate.

The only thing i could hope for now is Vox Nihili or like, Stark Raving Mad to reply to this thread. Holy shit, star struck

[Naryar]

I haven't been embarking on Fun locations lately, but...

I remember a .31 fort when i embarked on an evil tropical biome. Zombie rhinoceroses aaah they are chasing my dwarves around aaah oh the dwarvity

The shortest fort ever for me must have been in 40d. I embarked just next to a cave.

I look what's inside it... oh shit bronze colossus

So I put my miners to work to make a trench, back then channeling didn't made upward ramps so it was good for moats.

Then the bronze colossus charged at my wagon.

I didn't finish the moat in time.

Don't even remember what happened, maybe I just quitted out of frustration or maybe I actually saw the bronze colossus dismember all my dwarves one by one.

I should embark on a glacier sometime (it's been a while). The animals are fun in there, especially on savage glaciers.

Maybe a terrifying glacier ?

[Thormgrim]

huskifying cloud on embark

the embark lasted a while because 2 dorfs had gone off to try to dig, but the husks of the other 5 and the undead went into some sort of crazy cage match thing until only a few were left, which then found the other 2 who went back to the wagon for a drink or something stupid.