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Author Topic: I need positively-influencing friends, please.  (Read 3056 times)

Tiruin

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Re: I need positively-influencing friends, please.
« Reply #15 on: January 28, 2015, 04:28:28 am »

Tiny question on the:
Quote
The biggest disadvantage of being surrounded by people who are either negative or will not show me anything to inspire me is that it massively promotes procrastination, because it makes it much harder to see a definitive goal to strive for in life.
This part.

Should the seeking of a goal in life come out from you, instead of others? Or did I miss something? :O
Or did you mean 'negative', as in the criticism they give isn't wholly constructive criticism, but also bad criticism, and the learning of sifting words and ideas is something to be improved on?
Because it seems you're asking for motivational support--ie a role model of aspiration or such:
Quote
I work far, far easier when I have someone nudging me along, or at least holding a stick and carrot in my face by sharing their own experiences with or aspirations for a career, what drives them forward, etc. etc. I seriously need that kind of reinforcement and direction.

Looking at the second post for clarification, you're looking for someone who would nudge you whenever you're demotivated or uninspired, I take it? Someone who'd understand you and would go for your well-being, as well as living their lives normally--as described in technical terms? :O

Is the primary problem, a lack of motivational influence around you? A role model? Or the concept to follow to create as your drive? Or somebody who you could drop in, casually say 'hey buddy', then spiral off into a chat which would inspire you--as well as create something constructive?

Did you try looking around in your neighborhood for those kinds of people? Or do you mean online, due to the method of your work and the limitations it implies on your exposure?

Also as a note:
[...]finding that person via interaction instead of posting a request and then waiting for someone to come along.
This works too--but the posting of a thread...also works. x3

Is this a matter of self-motivation, or is this a matter of 'someone to talk to'? I seem to get part of what you mean, but am unsure in the specifics.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2015, 04:31:25 am by Tiruin »
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Xvareon

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Re: I need positively-influencing friends, please.
« Reply #16 on: January 28, 2015, 12:14:00 pm »

Tiny question on the:
Quote
The biggest disadvantage of being surrounded by people who are either negative or will not show me anything to inspire me is that it massively promotes procrastination, because it makes it much harder to see a definitive goal to strive for in life.
This part.

Should the seeking of a goal in life come out from you, instead of others? Or did I miss something? :O
Or did you mean 'negative', as in the criticism they give isn't wholly constructive criticism, but also bad criticism, and the learning of sifting words and ideas is something to be improved on?

Yes. The seeking of a goal in life should come out from me; that's the entire point. I never said I was going to rely completely on others to show me a goal in life or tell me which path to follow, or anything like that. What I said was that I wanted friends who would contact me, call me out when I'm being evasive or not giving a thorough answer (like "oh, I'm fine"), and, when in conversation, attempt to steer it in a constructive direction (i.e, "So you mentioned you really like writing... do you see yourself doing something like that in 5 years or so?").

Why do I want that? Simple. Because the friend I talk to the most at the moment is too focused on his own problems in life to prompt a discussion about mine. Do I blame him for that? No. It would be unfair and selfish of me to ask anyone to bottle up their emotions and force themselves to say something constructive when they simply aren't in the right mood. It would also be unfair of me to expect anyone to act like my life coach or anything of the sort, because I do believe in individuals finding their own path through life. What am I saying, then, you ask?

That I want other friends to talk to who could spare a little of their time to get to know me, and prompt me to think about things in a more constructive manner. When I say 'a little of their time' I mean only as much as they are willing to give -- I'm at a fairly stable point already, so it's not like I need someone to talk to me every day of every week for several hours or anything. I would not expect that to begin with, and even if it was offered, it would be too much for me to accept, let alone focus on.

I made this request thread because I felt it would directly help me in finding people that could give me that occasional poke, because it is a lot easier for me to focus on the constructive side of things when I have help. Do I need that help so much that I can't function without it? No. Will it make things easier for me to figure out and help me to be more effective and constructive in my thinking? Yes.

Is this a matter of self-motivation, or is this a matter of 'someone to talk to'? I seem to get part of what you mean, but am unsure in the specifics.

It's both. My self-motivation is suffering somewhat at the moment due to my perspective on things currently being the only one I have, which is the main reason I made this thread -- to find people who could offer me a different, more constructive outlook on certain aspects of life.

Does that answer your questions?

gimlet

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Re: I need positively-influencing friends, please.
« Reply #17 on: January 28, 2015, 02:23:48 pm »

One thing to try is to look for groups likelier to have positive,  goal-achieving members.  For starters look on meetup.com for likely suspects - anything entrepeneur-related might be a good start, the 420 and beer drinking clubs probably not so much :D   Also orgs like Toastmasters, hackerspace/makerspace, professional orgs like ACM/IEEE/ if you're in a compatible field, etc.   Your local equivalent of Geeks Night Out, whatever.  Tip - check out the *organizers and volunteers* of almost any well-run event too, these are people much more likely to be active and involved in stuff...
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Meph

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Re: I need positively-influencing friends, please.
« Reply #18 on: January 29, 2015, 09:38:42 am »

It's a weird approach, but I understand what you mean. People that do stuff positively influence you indirectly, your milieu changes your own personal motivation or goals.

But I always found this to come from yourself first. If you want something, do it, and while doing it you start to get to know people that do the same stuff. If you are into sports, join a sports club. BAM, problem solved, you now know several new people that are into sports. You want to travel more? Go to a Couchsurfer meeting or invite couchsurfers to your place, BAM, you know people from all over the world that travel. Works for any topic.
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Dorfs R Fun

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Re: I need positively-influencing friends, please.
« Reply #19 on: January 29, 2015, 09:52:24 am »

Some of the best advice on friendship I've ever heard is "Don't let your friends pick you, you pick your friends"

So pick the most positive person you know right now in meat space and ask them more about themselves. Ask them who the most positive person they know is. Find a way to meet most positive friend's most positive friend. Eat, drink and be merry and revel in your new tripod of positivity.
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Tiruin

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Re: I need positively-influencing friends, please.
« Reply #20 on: January 29, 2015, 09:57:50 am »

Some of the best advice on friendship I've ever heard is "Don't let your friends pick you, you pick your friends"

So pick the most positive person you know right now in meat space and ask them more about themselves. Ask them who the most positive person they know is. Find a way to meet most positive friend's most positive friend. Eat, drink and be merry and revel in your new tripod of positivity.
And practice what is ideal, too.

The best way to get good friends is to also be a good friend.
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Ghills

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Re: I need positively-influencing friends, please.
« Reply #21 on: February 13, 2015, 11:21:42 pm »

Maybe the OP means he wants a support group or people to help encourage him in working towards a goal.  That's a reasonable thing to want. Not the same as friends, though.

@OP: For profession-specific encouragement, find a group in the field you want to join and start attending meetings.  For more general encouragement to improve your life, go to a good church regularly.  Not a everyone-going-to-hell type church, but one that focuses on encouraging people to do their best.  A good sign is the church sponsoring service regularly - visiting homebound or institution bound people regularly, supporting homeless shelters, donation drives, that kind of thing.  It's one way to tell if the church is focused on other people and doing good.
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