Much to recount.
I'm writing this from the relative safety of the Governor of Greenest's study. It's a quiet place, though little used-I expect he enjoys hunting and swordplay more than reading.
It's nice to have a quiet place to think. I've certainly had a lot to think about.
Greenest was, as it turns out, in quite some danger. There were hundreds of Dragon cultists attacking the village-even a Dragon himself. Or herself-I admit I wasn't thinking of checking at the time. We...fought. Needless to say. Saved as many as we could, and brought down a good many of them...I have never quite faced so much death and destruction in my life. I never imagined it would be like this, or that I would remember it so vividly. The blood, the screams. I find I can recall them with crystal clarity. Even the face of the Dwarf Girl I killed...she was no doubt a cultist, but...I feel guilty. She was younger than me. What brought her to this place...what caused her to embrace this cause...I find it haunts me. If I had spoken to her, would she have surrendered? Could she have been redeemed? What about her family and friends? Is she being mourned right now, or do I embrace the happy fiction that all those who I call enemy are cold at heart, inherently wicked, and deserving of death?
Nay, such absolutes may be in Mirella's heart, for she knows her God truly-but, my own will remain troubled. I'll never know, really. Death is...so final. I would have spared her, should have spared her...I struck to kill, though. I can't pretend I didn't. I know she chose her path, and I chose mine. I just wish there could have been a better way.
Later, I managed something, I am embarrassed to admit it openly-that I was glad. My allies would think me weak, most likely. I convinced them the best way to smuggle a great many civilians from a church under siege was an illusion spell. It worked-we got them out, though a few were injured when we were intercepted on our way back...I am glad I did not have to kill anyone else, then. Even the Cultists. I've decided I do not much enjoy killing. Though I have no doubt I will do much more of it, before I am killed myself. I'm sure most of them will even deserve it.
I was gravely wounded myself, the day before. That illusion spell took a lot out of me...I've decided that I should focus on defensive magics. I believe I've perfected the art of Arcane Warding, the Blur spell...it should keep me safe, and the others too. I'd rather prevent harm than cause it...at least, directly. The popular moral clause.
I can feel the weave of the arcane responding to me in new and interesting ways. It demands a headfirst plunge, but I will wade carefully into the stream. I still have so much to learn.
...
We did same many lives, though. Families, men, women, children. A Dwarven child thanked me. She thought I was an Angel, when the opposite number seems more likely. Angels surely would not cause so much death and destruction. They would find a better way...
Still, I contrast the life...the lives I took, with the lives I saved. Surely, that is a balance that the Gods enforce. It is bitter to bear, though. Perhaps that is the true measure of what they call a Hero. You take that terrible weight upon your heart, so others may not bear the pain of true loss.
Better I suffer in silence, then they suffer in truth.
There is much of the battle I could tell of my comrades, whom I hope have none of my misgivings. I will let them tell their own stories, however. They were all very brave...Sweetpea several times led the enemy away with her speed and cunning, with no regard to her own life...Mirella was first in every fight...Arwen was there too, though he seemed to enjoy being beaten about more. He was thrashed by the Dragon Knight soundly, but he saved the hostages. And this was after he tried to ride a Dragon.
I worry one day his luck will run out.
...
Thoughts. The attack seemed to have been merely a raid, or even a diversion. They did damage, then faded away, rather than attempting to siege the keep. A way to impress their followers? A Cult moving so brazenly as to attack a large village must have more planned...surely, a Dragon may attract a great number of beings to its cause. The Kobolds do not usually stir in such numbers unless emboldened so. It may be no more than the beast attempting to line his treasure horde...or his belly.
Then again, this raid was well planned and organized. I saw a Man-Dragon, even a Dragon-Kobold. Are these things common among these cults? I wish I had read more about them when I had the time...
Many questions. I needs must compose a letter to the Alliance. Much they must be informed of. I wonder what Sheila will say when she hears all about this...about what I've done. I think back. She always appeared as a young human woman to us, and rarely showed her true form-except for festivals, when she might even be coaxed to carrying children into the sky on her back. Happy memory, that. I reason she has as much as power as the dragon that ravaged this town, I would think, but she never used it for destruction...I realize we are all the same, in that way. We can all choose to use our powers for good or evil...I never feared her, though...she unlocked my potential...
I suppose I had to put it use eventually.
~Johanna Stonesthrow