Use magical powers to teleport to a pizza place.
[? ? ?] TRY AS YOU MIGHT, YOU CAN'T SEEM TO MOVE- MAGICALLY OR MUNDANELY
YOU FEEL A TWINGE OF FEAR AS THE FLOOR BENEATH YOU SHIFTS AGAIN
YOU STILL CAN'T SEE ANYTHING BUT DARKNESS, EITHER
Turn this accident around into a superhero origin story: A man tragically lost his life in a freak accident. However, his death was not the end. The pizza ingredients flowed in, replacing skin with crust, flesh with cheese, blood with tomato sauce. Some mystical force pulled him back to life, as the first PIZZA-VAMPIRE! Now he prowls the night in search for more and more pizza to stay undead, while those who would eat him hunt him.
[4+1] (+1 FOR AWESOME)
YOU RISE ANEW FROM THE PILE OF CHEESE, TOMATO GOOP, MISCELLANEOUS TOPPINGS AND WOODEN SPLINTERS
YOUR PULPED FLESH IS REPLACED BY CHEESE, YOUR SHATTERED BONES AND TEETH ARE STRENGTHENED AND REPAIRED BY CRUST, AND PUMPING THROUGH YOUR VEINS IS TOMATO PASTE
YOU HAVE BECOME
THE PIZZA-VAMPIRE! YOU HUNGER FOR PIZZA!
WELL, EVEN MORESO THAN YOU DID BEFORE.ALSO SOME GUY SHOOTS AT YOU THEN RUNS OFF
WHAT A DICK
Item Gained: (Un)Life!
Class Gained: Pizza-Vampire!
Turns Until Starvation: 3!DEVOUR NUNZILLOR THROUGH THE HOLES IN MY SKIN
[3] YOU MANAGE TO REJECT THE SILLINESS OF THIS WHOLE SITUATION
HOW COULD BLOOD BE EATING YOU, ANYWAY?! THAT NO MAKE SENSE
YOU STILL GOT BIG HOLES IN SKIN, BUT AT LEAST YOU'RE ALIVE
Yes, enter into the skin. Eat him from the inside.
[2] DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORTS, YOUR CONTROL OVER YOUR BLOOD SLIPS AWAY AND IT BECOMES NORMAL, MOSTLY HARMLESS BLOOD. AT LEAST YOU CAN GIVE THE GUY BLOOD POISONING OR SOMETHING, THOUGH. HA!
Item Lost: Life! Yes, it's good enough. Throw grenade into largest cluster of people I can find!
WELL, THERE ARE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE STANDING AROUND OUTSIDE THE FRONT DOOR TALKING TO PIZZA GUY...
[6]
...
YOU PULL THE PIN AND LOB IT INTO THE MIDDLE OF THEM WITH A MANIACAL CACKLE
PIZZA FOR EVERYONE!
IT EXPLODES, CATCHING SEVERAL PEOPLE IN THE BLAST.
THE DELIVERY GUY, HOWEVER, SPREADS A PAIR OF BLACKENED, BAT-LIKE WINGS, FLAPS A FEW METERS INTO THE AIR, AND POINTS AT YOU, UNLEASHING A NASTY-LOOKING STREAM OF ENERGY IN YOUR DIRECTION
YOU FEEL PAIN. INTENSE PAIN, LIKE YOUR INSIDES WERE BEING SUCKED OUT THROUGH A STRAW
Item Lost: Soul!
Item Lost: Consciousness! If this works grab a piece of Jesus pizza and shoot him then throw the pizza at him
other wise go hunt the punching pizza monster.
(If there are going to be unholy abominations I will become a hunter of the dark, except for that pizza delivery demon he seems cool)
SEEING YOUR RECENTLY-CRUSHED FRIEND MIRACULOUSLY SURVIVE HIS FREAK ACCIDENT, YOU WASTE NO TIME IN POINTING YOUR GUN AND SHOOTING AT HIM
JEEZ, SOME FRIEND YOU ARE!
[3] YOU MISS, ANYWAY. YOU RUN TO GRAB SOME JESUS-PIZZA, FIGURING THAT'S THE BEST WAY OF DEALING WITH THIS SITUATION.
[6] YOU ARE JUST HEADING OUT OF LOUNGE ROOM WHEN A GUY LEAPS OFF THE COUCH AND LUNGES AT YOU
YOU NEVER REALLY NOTICED BEFORE BUT THE GUY HAS BIG CLAWS AND SPINES AND SHIT
HUH
YOU POP HIM IN THE HEAD WITH YOUR PISTOL, THAT SEEMS TO WORK
HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR
"TIME TO CREATE HIVE I GUESS"
NOW GO AND EAT SOME HUMANS
YOU CAN'T TALK, SILLY
[1] YOU LUNGE AT SOME GUY RUNNING PAST THE COUCH HOLDING A GUN
HE SHOOTS YOU IN THE HEAD
OUCH
Item Lost: Consciousness! "Don't listen to that shithead, this pizza was ordered by me and he has nothing to do with it. And he sucks. I would like a receipt, please."
Pay him dem souls.
GIVE THE DEMON MAN THE WEEB SOUKS AS PAYMENT. INDULGE IN MARAGARITA PIZZA
THE TWO OF YOU TEAM UP, IGNORE SOMEONE THROWING POOP AT THE DEMON, MARCH INSIDE AND GRAB SOME HALF-CONSCIOUS DUDE LYING ON FLOOR OF LOUNGE ROOM IN A PILE OF SCATTERED GO FISH CARDS
DRAG HIM OUT AND PRESENT HIM TO THE DELIVERY GUY, WHOSE EYES BRIEFLY GLOW BRIGHT RED
YOUR VICTIM SUDDENLY SEEMS TO RAPIDLY WITHER UP, AS THOUGH THE FLESH AND FAT WAS BEING SUCKED OUT FROM UNDER HIS SKIN. THERE IS A SOUND LIKE SOMEONE OBNOXIOUSLY SUCKING THE STRAW OF AN ALMOST-EMPTY MILKSHAKE. AFTER A FEW SECONDS HE COLLAPSES TO GROUND WITH A SOUND LIKE A BAG OF DRY STICKS HITTING THE GROUND
YOU LOOK AROUND FOR THAT OTHER NECKBEARD, WHEN SUDDENLY SOME METAL, OBLONG OBJECT BOUNCES TOWARDS YOUR FEED WITH A METALLIC, YET SLIGHTLY CHEESY, CLANKING
OHSHITISTHATAGRENADE--
[3], [3], [6],
THE TWO OF YOU ARE CAUGHT PARTIALLY IN THE BLAST, SENT FLYING BACKWARDS
LAST THING YOU SEE BEFORE BLACKING OUT IS DEMON FLYING INTO AIR AND OBLITERATING THAT OTHER WEABOO WITH A LASER BLAST FROM HIS FINGER
FILLED WITH THE RAGE OF A THOUSAND PIZZAS DESTROY THE HUMAN OPPRESORS!
Find a knife and take a slice o dat shit pizza, then throw it at the demon persuade everyone else to do the same
[2] YOU CAN'T FIND A KNIFE, SO YOU JUST GRAB A HANDFUL OF SHIT FROM THE PLATE AND WALK OUTSIDE
YOU CHUCK IT AT THE PIZZA DELIVERY GUY, BUT IT'S KINDA RUNNY
IT JUST COMES APART IN YOUR HANDS AND SPLATTERS OVER THE GROUND IN FRONT OF HIM
"JESUS H. CHRIST YOU PEOPLE ARE MESSED UP! HURRY UP AND PAY ME ALREADY UGH"HE IS LESS THAN IMPRESSED. THEN GRENADE SUDDENLY EXPLODES NEAR YOUR FEET.
[4] YOU MANAGE TO DIVE MORE-OR-LESS OUT OF THE WAY, ACQUIRING SOME BRUISES AND CUTS IN THE PROCESS
State Gained: Smeared With Feces!
Item Gained: Various Cuts And Bruises! Wake Up and Attempt to Rob The Nearest Pizzeria, While Nude.
[5] YOU WAKE UP, STRIP OFF YOUR CLOTHING, AND RUN OFF, IGNORING EXPLOSION OUTSIDE HOUSE
SHORTLY YOU ARRIVE OUTSIDE FATHER JONATHAN'S MONASTIC PIZZA PARLOUR
Pretend to stay unconscious. Hope for less ones!
[6] YOU DO SUCH A GOOD JOB OF PRETENDING TO BE UNCONSCIOUS, YOU ACTUALLY LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS
YOU'D BE PROUD OF YOURSELF IF YOU WEREN'T, Y'KNOW, UNCONSCIOUS
Item Lost: Consciousness! Dropkick the pizza delivery demon, steal his pizza
YOU RUN OUT OF HOUSE AND CHARGE TOWARDS THE DEMON JUST AS GRENADE LANDS NEAR HIS FEET
[3] YOU TRY TO JUMP OUT OF THE WAY, BUT STILL GET CAUGHT IN THE BLAST
YOU KNOCKED SIDEWAYS, LAND IN BUSHES NEAR DRIVEWAY
THAT HURT
BAD
State Gained: Deafened!
Item Gained: Concussion!
Item Lost: Foot X 0.5! 
Author
Topic: ROLL TO PIZZA (Read 20146 times)