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[hector13]

Well shit, the Scandinavian system is meant to be awesome

Seriously though that's some seriously unhelpful stuff. And these people are paid to help!

Have you ever tried online CBT courses? They're... sometimes quite hard to do because you need to motivate yourself to do them, but like I say, it can be helpful.

Realistic Thinking and Challenging Negative Thoughts are things I found helpful, hopefully you do too.

There were... other, better ones than that website, that I can't seem to find. One was an Australian mental health thing that had actual online courses (free) that would take you step by step slide-show-esque things that took you through some techniques to deal with specific ailments, and how they were s'posed to work. But I can't find it

I think the worst thing you can do with anything like this, especially suicidal thoughts, is to keep it to yourself though. It's like heating up a pressurised container, and it's not helping you get through it. Even if it's just PMing yourself, at least getting your thoughts outside your head and in some semblance of order can be beneficial. I'd urge you to talk to other people about it though, seeing as how you're like, biased and shit

Just not a priest or anything. But that's just me, I don't... sit well with religion

Edit: bugger it, Depression CBT thing that was... semi-suggested to me by a doctor/therapist many years ago, more or less the same thing is the Australian one I mentioned. And the website I got it from might also prove useful for other things too (except finding people to go see, seeing as it's not Denmark)

[Dexexe1234]

I already know all of those things you linked me... the problem is I cant face this by myself as I ahve been trying all this time, I have taken so many self help course thihngs and looked and scoured the net for what I could find and it has never helped me because I have zero control over the sadder voice in me. I guess that just means im super weak willed and should shut up about trying...


Also I have been trying to make a network of people I can talk to but they just get super annoyed with me after a lil bit so I stop talking to them as well because no one wants my fucking bullshit. Why am I even replying. Dex you fucking cunt.

[hector13]

Because you want to fix it you just seem to refuse to accept you can fix yourself.

"I have zero control over the sadder voice in me" "I'm super weak-willed" "no one wants my fucking bullshit" are all examples of negative thoughts.

I can make an effort to help you through this, if you want, but bear in mind I'm no therapist. I'll probably only be able to offer insights into the patterns of thinking that you at least express into a PM or something of that ilk, and help you challenge them. Basically the same noise in the links.

[Dexexe1234]

...For some reason all my negative head tells me here is that you are mocking me. But objectively you are trying to help.

EDIT: Maybe I should just try to shatter my feelings? Its negative most of the time, so it wouldn't be a huge loss really. Hm. No thats not right either. Its amazing that you can learn this stuff from the net but not from trained professionals whose job it is to work with this shit.

[Rolepgeek]

*sigh*

I want you to stop, take a look at your artwork, and take a look at everyone who thinks it's amazing. Now go compare it to the artwork in other games. Notice how yours is magnitudes better. Leaving aside, for the moment, and I do mean just for the moment, all the other ways in which you are a cool dude, if you think you're worthless, you're wrong. Period. Because you are an awesome artist. You are an awesome person, who happens to have a problem they can't control without help, and you haven't been getting the help you need. Lots of people have problems they can't help. It has nothing to do with your inherent self-worth.

You are a cool person. I care about you.

Other people care about you. I can't imagine what you're going through, because while I've gotten sad, I was blessed to lean towards narcissism rather than depression, which means self-confidence isn't a problem for me(doesn't really help socially, though >.> ). But that doesn't mean it's not real, and it doesn't mean your emotions are meaningless. You felt them, and therefore, for that reason and that reason alone, they have meaning. Because they are connected to you.

And finally; your art is awesome. But you have zero obligation to us. The only person you have an obligation to is yourself, to not put yourself through stupid stuff. If you constantly think it can't be helped, it probably won't get better, because the psychosomatic effect of it will sabotage your efforts. Have fun. If this isn't fun, don't do it. You have to want to get better, and you have to never ever stop trying to, because it's not easy: that was made obvious by the fact that you haven't. You aren't stupid or worthless; if it had been easy you would be done by now. But it's not. It's hard, and it's worth doing. If this isn't fun for you, do something that is fun. A bunch of random people on the internet are not worth getting stressed out over. Read a book, or draw something fun, ask a friend over. Be proactive and punch that sad little voice, the tiny niggling part of your mind which is the villain in your story, in the face. Hell, draw a face for it, print it out if necessary, and tape it to something punchable. Any time it tries to bring you down, punch it in the face and tell it to shut it's dirty mouth.

Hope you can feel better always, Dex. You're a cool dude.

[hector13]

That's the kind of thing I'm talking about. You identified the negative thought - thinking that I'm mocking you - and challenged it with something a bit more realistic - telling yourself I'm trying to help.

I maintain my offer of help, but like I say, I'm not a professional. I was on the other side of the table in my dealings with it, so I know it requires a lot of effort on your part too, which can be hard sometimes in the middle of an "episode", as I call them.

I don't mind if you take it or leave it, and I don't really know what to say beyond that, since I don't know much about you or what else you've tried (beyond what you've already said) to cope with it. Consider it a standing offer though; if you don't want the help now but change your mind later, fire me a PM.

Edit: another bugger it, because it'll bug me for days if I don't say it. Have you tried a journal? Like... writing down stuff when you're in the middle of an episode? That way you can read back over it when you have a bit more clarity in your thinking, and you can identify some of the bad thinking and how you might go about changing it in the next one.

[LuckyKobold]

*Joins in the Group Hug*

What they said.

[Dexexe1234]

Hector: I ahve tried that, my hands started to cramp from forcing myself to write and in the end I ended up punching myself instead. This happened every time I tried forcing myself to writing it down.

thanks for the kind words everyone, I really do appreciate it. My mind clouds with thoughts that give me nothing but stress and makes what positives people have said have no meaning a very short time after it has been said. This does give me stress, incredible amounts of it in fact. Every moment I dont spend working on stuff like this I feel I am disappointing every single person reading it. So I stress out like crazy, and yet whenever im making stories like this is when I feel the most stable. I guess the negative just hugely outshines the positive after a lil while. I always break down. This, breakdown that is, is probably why I think this is the wrong way for me to do precisely what it is I want to do... And well yeah that's make games, and you guys probably already know that by now.

This just feels so slow apparently in my head, where a game would require a lot of work but no one sees it before the package is ready to be delivered. Am I weird for thinking about this so much? Like, Forum games is a neat outlet but its ultimately the wrong way for me to do what I love doing...

[~Neri]

If you have negative thoughtvoices, maybe make a positive thoughtvoice? Then feed the positive one?

[anailater]

If you really want to start a network of people to tell your issues to then you could ask people around here. As far as I can tell no one here would get annoyed and everyone here cares, if you want to take that step in the right direction, all you have to do is ask.

[Dexexe1234]

wouldnt that be super selfish of me though?

[Rolepgeek]

wouldnt that be super selfish of me though?

NOBODY CARES. Is that not clear yet? WE WANT YOU TO BE SELFISH! SELFISH=GOOD

You are not selfish enough, is the problem, I think. Selfish is good in your case, because it's usually the first step towards narcissism; which requires self-confidence. Being self-centered helps build an ego, which everyone needs to some extent.

Be selfish, man. If nothing else, think of it this way: If you're at a food bank, you make sure the cooks are fed first. You can't help anyone else if you don't help yourself first, to get into a position where you can help others. Otherwise, you're putting the cart before the horse. And yes I know I'm butchering that saying. I don't care. It still works.

[10ebbor10]

On the other hand, this is a public forum. You're not forcing anyone to do anything, if they involve themselves, it will be because people want to do so, because they care.

[Dexexe1234]

well, alright then but how do I go about doing things? Adding you guys to skype? Making an IRC? Whats the uh, whats the road to take..?

[IamanElfCollaborator]

well, alright then but how do I go about doing things? Adding you guys to skype? Making an IRC? Whats the uh, whats the road to take..?

Skype group would be a good idea, if you'd prefer to talk to people rather than chat. An IRC and/or Steam group would be a good idea if you want a group of people you can talk to anytime without timezone issues, given that Skype calls can be somewhat of a pain to set up and schedule.