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[LuckyKobold]

I cant say I know what you're going through, but I suggest looking for the local Church and talking to the pastor there. I think talking to someone about it in person would be 100 times better then on the forum.

+1

[Dexexe1234]

hrrhhhhrh... I broke down again in a manic episode and I scared more people... im so sorry everyone... it keeps happening... im sorry you kep trusting an idiot like me with any sort of attention at all. Even this is an attention grab I guess. I should just have let myself sink into the void in the first place.

I appreciate the effort in caring but in the end im just a filthy idiot who deserve nothing at all......

[~Neri]

* Kevak huuuuugs!

[birdy51]

It's going to be alright. You are worth it and we're here for you.

If another episode comes on and the thoughts returns, hold on.

You are worth it.

[Dermonster]

He lives in Denmark. I'm not sure if that number works there.

[birdy51]

Ah sorry. >.>;

[hector13]

hrrhhhhrh... I broke down again in a manic episode and I scared more people... im so sorry everyone... it keeps happening... im sorry you kep trusting an idiot like me with any sort of attention at all. Even this is an attention grab I guess. I should just have let myself sink into the void in the first place.

I appreciate the effort in caring but in the end im just a filthy idiot who deserve nothing at all......

This first thing that should be said is to not listen to the voice in your head, and then pay attention to all the people here who are actually telling you you're worth something. It's not something to rely on though, as that just means you'll be looking for acknowledgement from other people to make yourself feel good. It's a start though.

You need to challenge the thoughts in your head that you're worthless filth, because quite clearly that's not the case if you've made such a positive impression on other people that they want you around. So fuck you, listen to everyone else you selfish prick

You might consider Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy to help with the challenging process, because... it's not easy to know where to start. Automatic negative thoughts, especially long held ones, are difficult to catch sometimes. It helped me deal with the more vicious parts of my depression, and if you're seriously considering suicide, then you need to do something. The world will not be a better place without you.

[ShadowHammer]

Again You Are Awesome. Don't Kill Yourself!

WE CARE ABOUT YOU MAN!

So much.

* ShadowHammer joins in the Dex group hug

hrrhhhhrh... I broke down again in a manic episode and I scared more people... im so sorry everyone... it keeps happening... im sorry you kep trusting an idiot like me with any sort of attention at all. Even this is an attention grab I guess. I should just have let myself sink into the void in the first place.

I appreciate the effort in caring but in the end im just a filthy idiot who deserve nothing at all......

That last part is not true, man, and I'm sure you know it. We care about you because you deserve to be cared about!

Also, there's no need to be sorry. If you have any more problems, don't worry about it looking like an attention grab, don't worry about scaring people. Post whatever's on your mind and let us help you with it. I'm absolutely certain that everyone is not only willing to help out however we can, we want to help out however we can.

I agree with Peradon, too; sadly, text can't convey as much as talking. A church is a good choice for going to talk to someone who'll listen without judging and stuff. If that's not something you want to do, or you just can't find one, this forum'll always be here to help you out.

I know that for some people, drawing some dark stuff helps them get over dark feelings; you can burn the picture afterwards, too. Might be worth a shot, eh?

Last thing here, please change the title back. Nothing in this thread, least of all yourself, is worthless, or filth.

In other news, this game inspired me to make a thing (well, a couple of things, but then I made them into one thing).

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Hope you're feeling better soon!

[Dexexe1234]

....Jegus that last thing must have taken a while to come up with...

ghrfgh im sorry everyone my mind is a minefield of bad therapy sessions, years of social neglect and mental destruction from others and other insane situations that dont leave the body hurt but leave the mind shattered. I hardly control anything and i have tried to go to therapy for at least 10 years now but I just dont seem able to get the help I need... And that leaves me stunned in these situations... I have a lot of these stints, very few of them get online like this one... I do think about suicide a lot...

[IronyOwl]

It's alright. Everything gets better eventually.

[Dermonster]

Eventually might just have to be going to a different country.

[Dexexe1234]

It's alright. Everything gets better eventually.

See this is what everyone tells me but all eventually has ever given me is more anxiety and slow acting trauma than anything. I feel worse nowadays than I did a couple years ago because I cant get any help with it while my shit just gets stronger because it IS me and thus know all my weaknesses. I KNOW people like what I do and that I am not worthless and all such things, I know all this completely and utterly but the will to battle it isnt ther,e i cannot muster willpower when my despair completely takes over, which it does a LOT.

[hector13]

What is it that's caused getting therapy to be difficult? Have you started and stopped before, or just been unable to get any?

Have you considered medication? Bear in mind that it does come with unpleasant side effects (at least in my experience) but if it helps to take the edge off so you can deal with the despair in some other way, it's not so bad.

Edit: or rather, it's better than thinking about killing yourself all the time.

[IronyOwl]

I was referring more to climbing out of this particular low, but yeah, if you've been getting worse, what's stopping you from getting (good) help for it?

[Dexexe1234]

broken and undermanned medical systems, along with extremely bad luck. The system of psychiatric help in denmark that im under is understaffed, theres just not enough to go around, and every time i have gotten a therapist they have either done nothing, said basically air or been incompetent to the fault that I have been bullied by them with their ways.

I have also tried medication and it didnt work and now the doc wont try other types. I am stuck.