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[Spehss _]

Ask her anyway and talk about your feelings.

Or don't. I have no dating experience. :v

[birdy51]

It's still good advice. Feelings are damnably hard to talk about.

I don't like giving false impressions, or saying anything that offends. I use offend here in both it's strict and loose meanings. We're both busy as hell, which is the root of why we had so many issues in the first place. Adding something else on to the top of her plate to the point where I become a burden innately bothers me a lot. I don't share a lot of things, mostly because I don't want my baggage to end up somebody else's.

[zwei]

We saw each other often enough. We made little plans, but didn't act on any of them. Eventually, the whole matter of dating just sort of... Dropped.

That dating - what was it like - did you get physical in any way (hugging, holding hands, kissing ...) or not? Aka, was it just close friend hanging out or a bit more? Maybe it was too slow and she decided that it is going nowhere?

Who made the plans (both originally and after the relationship slowdown)?

Also: Beware of being a rebound ... on the other hand, she thought of you when she was down ... that is a good thing.

Ask her out. Actual odicialish date - a dinner.

[birdy51]

Hugging seems to be our primary form of contact. Basically whenever we meet, we hug. We also have a weird thing we where stick our heads upon the other's shoulder blade and make semi-cat noises. I'm not really sure if that's just a Irish roots thing or what, but I like it. Holding hands or putting arm around her for an extended period of time feels awkward to me, so I never really tried save for once. I've never kissed her.

While we were dating, I usually initiated the discussion on plans, but we both discussed future dates together. As I mentioned, we're both Music Majors and in college though. We tend to have hellish schedules in that respect. In fact, when we did start dating, it was in the middle of the college musical. In spite of that, we did end up starting a habit of grabbing lunch with one another. And from that, we continued to hang out a bit. One night in particular, she invited me to watch a movie with her to just hang out for a while as friends. Before that, she attended my Junior Recital even though I wasn't able to attend hers due to a prior engagement.

I suppose it is a bit late to be worrying about being the rebound now though. It wouldn't change the fact that I care about her a lot, and she seems to reciprocate. However, would I want to keep an eye out for?

Last note might be a tough one. It's unlikely that we'll find the time this particular weekend, and driving two hours for a social visit is costly. As I mentioned though, she has a show that she's been working on with her students. I'll have to ask her, but it's likely she may have to be helping to tear down the set or something. If I was still in the same city, this would be a helluva lot easier.

[AlleeCat]

Look, as someone who is in a long distance relationship, I can safely say that two hours away is heaven compared to my situation. I have to cross a border to see my girlfriend. That said, first focus on actually asking her out. She might need some more time after her last relationship.

Once that's over with, remember that not all dates have to be in person. A Skype date can be fun, too. Plus, keeping in touch is important. I talk to my girlfriend every day, sometimes multiple times a day. That'd probably different for you because I doubt you're that clingy, but make sure to reach out to her regularly. Somebody told me that relationships are a constant game of "*poke* You there? *poke* Still there?"

[birdy51]

Blergh. I am one of the worst at the poking game. I'll do what I can, but I have a legacy of neglect when it comes to telling people what I'm doing and checking in with others. The issue is further exasperated by her phone being severely damaged goods. Contacting her via phone is a hit or miss mess. It hates every soul with a mutual passion and likes to lock up and ignore messages.

As for asking her out, I'll see what I can do. The distance won't be too big of a problem if we do start dating, but it may be difficult to put my foot in the metaphorical relationship door. I think you may be right about waiting for this weekend, but waiting in general is dangerous for me. Waiting until the right time to ask is what got me into trouble last time.

[nomoetoe]

Ask her anyway and talk about your feelings.

Or don't. I have no dating experience. :v

Yay, c: We can be no dating experience buddies.

[birdy51]

Status update?

I ended going to her kid's show. It was a bit of a drive, but I could tell that she was glad to see me there. Afterwards, we ended up catching a late dinner at her bequest. It was a small thing, we got the moral equivalent of burger and fries at a Steak and Shake dinerish place. Since I drove up, she ended up buying the meal as I cursed her with my credit card. It was fun! I ended up driving her home, since she had caught a ride with her parents to the production and was a bit stranded. She invited me inside and offered a tea or a water before I went back, but I declined. Probably shouldn't have declined, but refusal of hospitality is an odd quirk that is unrelated to the dating scene. More of an upbringing thing.

Unfortunately, I didn't ask her out on a date. However, she said that she would like to take a trip down to my neck of the woods sometime since I have my own show that I'll be doing. Perhaps that will give me time to practice drawing the conversation to that end of the spectrum!

[Antsan]

but refusal of hospitality is an odd quirk that is unrelated to the dating scene. More of an upbringing thing.

I did that, too (and I still sometimes do it) and I can only advise you to stop it. It can be actually really very insulting to some people to do that and I never met anyone where it was the opposite.

[Trapezohedron]

Advice, hmm... (not directed at anyone in particular)

Small talk = "tell me something I don't know?" Personally, making small talk is hard especially if you go with the pleasantries route. But I've found out, after becoming more extraverted than the past few years, that asking for something as simple as their hobbies, telling yours, asking them why and telling them how and why you like your and their hobbies is enough to create room to defrost the ice, then I guess you can follow up with a bunch of trivia and maybe friendly teasing?

Surely not applicable to all, ofc, but I've just recently discovered that that's an easy way to get rid of social walls.

Another way would be to find a "hole in the wall" - a mutual topic both of you are familiar with, and then discuss about it.

Just my two cents.

[AlleeCat]

I just wanted to say that my girlfriend and I are dating because she said she'd never been in a relationship before, and I asked "Can I be your first? "
It's either creepy or cute depending on how you look at it. But still, don't discount the power of forwardness!

[Helgoland]

I just wanted to say that my girlfriend and I are dating because she said she'd never been in a relationship before, and I asked "Can I be your first? "
It's either creepy or cute depending on how you look at it. But still, don't discount the power of forwardness!

Cute. Definitely cute. Anyone thinking this was creepy should go see a psychiatrist.

... Unless you said that in a seriously creepy manner, but I'd have a hard time imagining that.

but refusal of hospitality is an odd quirk that is unrelated to the dating scene. More of an upbringing thing.

I did that, too (and I still sometimes do it) and I can only advise you to stop it. It can be actually really very insulting to some people to do that and I never met anyone where it was the opposite.

Yeah, that. It's very easy to interpret such a refusal as a refusal of things that might follow.

[DJ]

I thought the standard protocol when offered hospitality is to feign a half-hearted refusal, and when the other party presses the offer again you cave in. The way I understand it, it's about giving the inviter the chance to back out if he or she only invited because it's good manners to do so.

[acetech09]

I just wanted to say that my girlfriend and I are dating because she said she'd never been in a relationship before, and I asked "Can I be your first? "
It's either creepy or cute depending on how you look at it. But still, don't discount the power of forwardness!

Cute. Definitely cute. Anyone thinking this was creepy should go see a psychiatrist.

It depends on the attached similey.

  = cute
  = ehhh
  = abortabortabort

[birdy51]

Blerp. I'll have to work on that then...

Luckily, it was late by the time I was getting off onto the road, so her family probably wasn't too bothered by the refusal. We cracked a few jokes about it in a roundabout way. But I'll keep it in mind for next time.