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[That Wolf]

You people are confusing.

I agree with this.
Either complain about your social inadequacies and get nowhere, or jump in the deep end and take some genuine advice and talk to somebody.
No one can help you if you dont want help.
No one can help you if you complain that you cant talk to people or that you hate people,
I will happily help, happily!
I hate hearing that you want help... but you arnt willing to take any of it because you expect an instant fix, some kind of miracle or panacea for your troubles, there isnt one that is easily attained but its called Confidence and only YOU can build it up and tear it down.

[Antsan]

I think you are taking my jokes too seriously. I'm pretty comfortable with my social circles and any change I desire I'll discuss with them and not here.

[That Wolf]

I think you are taking my jokes too seriously. I'm pretty comfortable with my social circles and any change I desire I'll discuss with them and not here.

No I understood you.
I think you took my stern advice too personaly. It was for everybody who thinks they arent worth anything.
And nor did I attempt to force any advice upon you. But if I can help its worth trying.

To be honest though Antsan;

Nah, for me it's the other way round: I really like people and love to hang out around them, but I'm really damn shy.

What you said is really close to what Im like. So please dont feel like I singled any one out.
Especialy you.
Because I fucking love you all.

[Spehss _]

This thread is convenient, saves me from making some stupid topic about my own problem or whatever. Bump? It's been a couple weeks since the last post.

So, I want to ask this girl I know out, preferably before Valentines Day because herp derp slightly higher chances of success or something because herp derp holiday about love and dating and shit. Problems, I don't really know her at all except her name, so she isn't a total stranger, but she's not someone I'd think I could actually ask out either because I hardly know them and they probably hardly know me. We never talked much or anything. Been years since I contacted them. They go to the same college I am coincidentally, but it's hard to find 1 specific person in a campus of 35000 and any way for me to contact them online, Facebook/Twitter or what-have-you, requires me to friend or follow the person or whatever before I can send a message and friending/following someone I barely know seems creepy as shit, especially when the only reason I would would be to ask them out and shit, and as a result this seems bound to make me look sketchy and get rejected, but there's not really any other way for me to contact them. Unless I want to walk around campus looking for a needle in a haystack and act like I just bumped into them like a creepy stalker asshat.

[/walloftext]

What do.

[That Wolf]

Go up to her (after stalking) find out her subject at the least.
And say hello insert name here how are you, talk a bit then ask her out. Dont stutter or jump around the point. Just ask, chances are she'll go with you. Thats the first step

[Spehss _]

That would be a reasonable course of action if it were a total stranger I didn't know and never met before. But I just baaaaaarely know them enough so they aren't a complete stranger, and it seems completely awkward and creepy to have some person you haven't spoken to in years just come up out of nowhere and ask for a date. Like, why not do that years ago. Why not keep in contact if you were interested, y'know.

[That Wolf]

Because you are shy, just ask bro.
She will say yes if it seems like a nice offer, say something like, it would be nice to hangout we should have done it years ago.
If she says no, get over it. If you dont do anything however you are going to lose your chance. Like disarming a bomb. If its going to blow up anyway might aswell give it a shot.

You might even think shes a dick after getting to know her.

You know that saying, theres plenty more fish in the sea.. its true if your trying to catch any kind of fish.
But what you want usualy takes practice and the right kind of bait

[AlleeCat]

friending/following someone I barely know seems creepy as shit,

This is completely false. Everyone does it. If she at least recognizes your name, she'll probably accept the friend request. Seriously, I know plenty of people who hate someone and yet add them as Facebook friends. You have much better chances, as I'm fairly certain she does not hate you.

[That Wolf]

Yeah Alleecat is right that its not creepy, but it is still classified as stalking. Waiting in a certain location for a certain animal, its when you follow them everywhere without them knowing its creepy.

Just ask her dude. If a girl asked me out I would say yes, though I wouldnt think it was sexual/emotional interest at first, you have to make your intentions clear or people think its just a friendship.

You should know really early if you have mutual attraction, I agree its hard to go up and ask sombody for a date/beer/out but once you start getting confident in yourself its really easy.
Like I will always say, what have you got to lose in asking. Even if they say no it can open up other opportunitys

[DJ]

This reminds me of a dating etiquette question I've been pondering lately - is it OK to research someone on Google before asking them out? On one hand it seems creepy, but on the other hand it can be prudent.

[That Wolf]

This reminds me of a dating etiquette question I've been pondering lately - is it OK to research someone on Google before asking them out? On one hand it seems creepy, but on the other hand it can be prudent.

Haha depends on context. I think alot of people do it, but the internet doesnt always have results. I know I can type my name and no results show up (not even on facebook)
But if you find out alot, dont try to change yourself to fit into their interests cause thats dishonest.

Il go ahead and say you have already checked the person out though.

[Spehss _]

This reminds me of a dating etiquette question I've been pondering lately - is it OK to research someone on Google before asking them out? On one hand it seems creepy, but on the other hand it can be prudent.

People creep on others whom they find attractive through Facebook and Twitter all the time. My roommates do it. People I talked with in high school did it. Hardly that much different than googling someone. Personally I'd think it'd be creepy if I did it, and I find the thought of other people being able to do so to me also creepy, but to each their own really.

[That Wolf]

Spehss _ did you get the confidence up to talk to her?

[Spehss _]

Spehss  did you get the confidence up to talk to her?

Well, step one accomplished. Sent a facebook friend request, was accepted. So now I have a relatively more reliable way to contact her other than "cross fingers and hope I happen to see them somewhere on the college campus today".

Uh, thanks for your interest, I guess? _{^{Why did I post in this thread agh embarssing agh}}

[MasterShizzle]

What do people do for that these days?

[/walloftext]

What do.

Some things that might help out here:

Protip: When asking someone out, whether it's a casual thing or someone you really like, you can get good results by implying that you've already got plans and then inviting them to join you. Example: You have a coworker you'd like to take to some new Pho restaurant (or whatever). Instead of saying, "Would you like to go have lunch with me at Pho Shizzle?" which implies that you're trying to make plans around them and their lunch habits, instead say, "I'm gonna go have lunch at Pho Shizzle. Care to join me?" The idea being that you're ALREADY going there, but they can come if they like. You're giving off an inclusive and friendly vibe by implying you already have plans but you'd like their company. You're also removing any pressure from them, because they don't feel like they're going to ruin your day by saying no (which some people just don't want to deal with). If they DO say "no", simply say okay and carry out your plans anyway, reinforcing that air of confidence, and ask again some other time. It seems puerile and stupid, but it WORKS. Human psychology at its finest.

Protip: You will NEVER have as much control over others' opinion of you as you do over your own actions. If you want people to appreciate you or notice you, YOU are the one who has to improve. Ignore others and their opinions. Take a little time to pay attention to the things like grooming, hygeine, etc., start an exercise program to help your appearance a smidge, that kind of thing. Once you're feeling better about yourself in general, you'll feel better around other people. That, my friends, is confidence. Start in small ways, focus on improving yourself for your own sake, and everything else WILL come around on its own. A self-confident nerd is an attractive nerd.

Protip: For Beard's sake, DON'T EVER try to find a long-term relationship at a bar, no matter what your gender or preferences. If you're a male, you should know that the crowd of man-whores scoping the "scene" to hook up with random bar trash have been playing that game a lot longer than you have, so you've got fierce competition over girls that you probably didn't want in the first place. If you're a woman, you're basically limiting your options to the kinds of guys who try to find women at a bar, e.g. man-whores trolling for bar trash. Don't do that. Looking for a relationship at a bar is like an outdoor seafood market in the middle of Nevada: You might like the selection now, but there's a REASON it's so cheap. Stay away, you'll be healthier. For better results, try meeting people at everyday places. Coffee stands, grocery stores, school, work, etc.

Hang in there, fellow Dorfers. You got this.