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Author Topic: Give Me Dating Advice  (Read 8177 times)

ICBM pilot

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Give Me Dating Advice
« on: December 30, 2014, 01:10:35 am »

Obligatory information: 16 years old, male, no life, no job, home schooled, minimal interaction with people for the last seven or so years, and very boring

As you can probably guess I don't even know where to start looking.
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~Neri

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2014, 01:18:58 am »

Friends first before considering for romance.
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Vector

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2014, 02:06:58 am »

.
« Last Edit: July 21, 2017, 08:15:23 pm by Vector »
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Coolnesstod

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2014, 03:26:07 am »

Friends first before considering for romance.
I up vote this.

Also, if you want to find friends, go to your local town library or go volunteer for a reenactment of ww2 or the civil wars, lots of people your age that go do that kind of stuff. Also, to be frank, advice for ones romance doesn't work for anothers. You just have to go out and try your best to not be complete shit. Not trying to be rude, but there's no point on asking us for advice if you haven't made an effort to try yourself.
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Caz

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2014, 06:13:40 am »

Join a social club.
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DJ

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2014, 12:05:52 pm »

What advice you need depends on why you want to start dating.
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Bauglir

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #6 on: December 30, 2014, 12:25:33 pm »

Do you know what your sexual orientation is yet?
This is a good question. Specifically because

What advice you need depends on why you want to start dating.

this is true.

Essentially, advice on dating is akin to advice on drinking. It's really too broad a question. Are we drinking booze? Tea? Socially? Alone? What are your tastes? Etc, etc.

The first step is to narrow down what you're actually looking for, although at the same time you do need to avoid coming up with an ideal to fixate on (since reality will always have bumps and ambiguities and general messiness that your ideal won't).

Finally, I'd like to downvote the start as friends option, specifically because I think it's kind of dishonest to start up a friendship with the intention of trying to transition it into romance later on. If the person in question wasn't doing the same thing, then you are getting into this with different expectations and somebody is likely going to wind up frustrated later down the road. If you're up front about what you're planning, that's fine, of course, but it's also likely to come off as creepy unless you are Suave McSilvertongue or something. Better would be to ask somebody on a date, then do stuff that's basically just friendly.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a friendship turning into dating, and in fact it's often great because the qualities in a good significant other have tremendous overlap with the qualities in a good friend, but setting out to make the scenario happen is not the best idea. It also has a number of drawbacks, such as leaving open the possibility that somebody more forward than you might ask to date this person while you're still just friends. Plus, from a philosophical point of view, I feel like any attempt to define the course a relationship ought to take, especially before it's begun or, indeed, you even know your partner in it, is doomed to failure. Reality doesn't appreciate planning like that, and having expectations of How It's Supposed To Be makes it easy to jump ship at the first sign of trouble (you want to be jumping ship if the relationship is just making you an unhappy person, not because it doesn't live up to your plans).
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ICBM pilot

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #7 on: December 30, 2014, 03:34:01 pm »

What advice you need depends on why you want to start dating.
I just want to try it.
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nenjin

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2014, 05:54:25 pm »

Then....go nuts? Ask everything with two legs and the right gender if they want to go out? If you're just experimenting our advice means little to you. What exactly do you want to know that you're not willing to find out for yourself?

Here's my only advice: if you're thinking about sex first and foremost, prepare to be disappointed on multiple fronts.
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Bauglir

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2014, 06:41:38 pm »

What advice you need depends on why you want to start dating.
I just want to try it.
Then pretty much just go find a random person and ask them out on a date. Repeat until somebody says yes, then show up at the agreed-upon time and place.

EDIT: Keep in mind, this won't be a good simulation of what most people do when dating, but that's because you're going into this with different motives. In much the same way as you won't make a very good game if "Make a good game" is your sole motivator, compared to somebody with a vision of what they're actually going to do, you won't have the same experience with dating if "Get a date" is your sole motivator, compared to somebody who knows what they want out of dating.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:48:32 pm by Bauglir »
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In the days when Sussman was a novice, Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6.
“What are you doing?”, asked Minsky. “I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe” Sussman replied. “Why is the net wired randomly?”, asked Minsky. “I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play”, Sussman said.
Minsky then shut his eyes. “Why do you close your eyes?”, Sussman asked his teacher.
“So that the room will be empty.”
At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.

MonkeyHead

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2014, 06:49:12 pm »

What advice you need depends on why you want to start dating.
I just want to try it.
Then pretty much just go find a random person and ask them out on a date. Repeat until somebody says yes, then show up at the agreed-upon time and place.

Do note that this approach will lead to lots of rejection, which might not be what you are really interested in, and even if you get a lot of people agreeing to a date, expect a lot of first dates that don't go well or very far.

If you want a "companion", you want some kind of dating relationship to form more... organically. Join a club/team/group/society of some kind, meet new people. Someone there will be "interesting", or interested in you in some way. Maybe for them. Maybe they might want you to meet a friend. Worst case scenario is that you get out of the house, meet new people and have a bit of fun doing something new. Whats to lose?

ChairmanPoo

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2014, 07:59:37 pm »

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LordBucket

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #12 on: December 30, 2014, 10:00:18 pm »

Friends first before considering for romance.

Has this advice ever worked for anyone ever?

Every relationship I've ever had, ever, it's always been clear from day one there there was mutual attraction. Usually, from the first 10 seconds. Whereas in my entire life I've never, ever turned a friendship into romance, and I've only very rarely seen anyone else do it.

My advice would be if a girl isn't attracted to you right away, don't waste your time trying to convince her to change her mind. It's remotely possible she might change her mind, but if she does it probably wasn't because of anything you did deliberately to make it happen, and trying to get her to like you if she doesn't already rarely ends well. It's easier to pick fresh apples than to convince an upripe apple to ripen.

Paying attention helps too. In my experience girls rarely announce their attraction. They're more subtle. Watch body language.



What advice you need depends on why you want to start dating.
I just want to try it.

What exactly is it you want to try? Formal dating? As in, you and a girl going out together and doing some thing? Ask some girls out. Some will say yes. It doesn't need to be a big, scary thing. Try not to be too attached to the results. If one girl says no, just ask somebody else.

But "going out" doesn't necessarily mean "go on on a definite-start definite-end one night" kind of date. By "dating" some people will mean "we are a couple. We are romantically involved and do couple things and are not dating anyone else." And other people might mean "we go on discrete dates, but we're not a couple, and we might or might not go on discrete dates wither other people."

Really need to narrow down what you're talking about.




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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #13 on: December 30, 2014, 11:57:02 pm »

Friends first before considering for romance.

Has this advice ever worked for anyone ever?

This culture is more specific to Europe than USA, I think. Less 'going out on dates' culture. It does work fine as long as you're not coming into the friendship with some mentality of eventually turning the relationship sexual. Honesty is great.
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Yourmaster

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Re: Give Me Dating Advice
« Reply #14 on: December 31, 2014, 12:20:36 am »

Try taking her parents hostage and forcing her to go out with you in exchange for five minutes of monitored time with her family.

 On a serious note, just try to act normal and don't pursue dating her if she isn't interested after a while.
« Last Edit: December 31, 2014, 12:27:44 am by Yourmaster »
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