Episode 3- The Beer Among Us Even though we didn't win any sort of recognition at the recent award show, the show must go on! With recent public interest soaring in action films due to something with planes, I have our genius screenwriters churn out some more action scripts and some Sci-fi for good measure. Nothing could go wrong, right?!? RIGHT?!?! And so I get a battery of scripts for shooting, just as Drumhead Justice finishes shooting.
Abe Lincoln is wondering just what in the world he's gotten himself into
The Ubiquitous Extra wonders the same thing.
Let's be honest here, our films are gonna be pretty mediocre until some semblance of technology is developed, so here are some
promotional stills from the more ...bland... releases that our screenwriters generate in their smelly mudhut.
Drumhead Justice- Abe Lincoln, dressed as a Union soldier, runs across the desert to a random bathroom where he proceeds to headbutt another Union soldier. The airing of grievances, maybe? Or maybe he just wanted to go use the bathroom badly?
This action flick released to a reasonable 1-star! Maybe the era of irremediably shitty films is over! Maybe!
By popular regards, all of our actors have the collective acting capabilities of an aged chimpanzee.
With all of our mediocre silent films flooding the market, our money supplies grow at a steady and healthy rate, I invest in another set.
I wonder what it is?
I also decide to invest in another director, because actors should remain just where God intend them to be. In front of the camera and not behind it. Meet Barney Calhoun! Fresh from fighting an enigmatic alien menace, this guy comes to Gneiss Pictures with some slight experience in Action and Sci Fi, just like a lot of other stars here..Huh.
He's being a free man and following his dreams.
I throw him the script for A Thousand Acres, a hopefully original movie that utilizes our creepy cellar set. Barney decides to team up with Zapp Brannigan for his first directorial debut.
Here's hoping to a good film.
Zapp Brannigan is being badmouthed by the Ubiquitous Extra...who's dressed in
old timey contemporary long johns.
So much for a 'good film'
During filming, I get the notice that scientists have finally discovered the perfect method of storing alcoholic beverages next to each other. A 'bar' as they call it. Barney was grumbling about owing a beer to someone, so I order to have one built for our motley crew of stars. Iron and Alfimi immediately go there to get sloshed.
A stiff drink after some shitty Sci Fi is always a good thing
Conveniently right next to the bar is an old, primitive version of the same thing. The mystery set was an old wild west saloon!
Something about a hootenanny.
Barney's first film wraps up quickly enough and I let it into the wild.
A Thousand Acres- In this riveting feature, Zapp Brannigan stars as a hapless sap that gets into an argument with a crazy person and gets slapped for his troubles. Typical Daily life for the star captain turned actor.
The reviews come in and I'm seeing a trend here...Its another 1-star! Not bad for Barney's directorial debut. The public are eating Action stuff up, which doesn't hurt.
Good genre interest saves this film from mediocre direction and shitty acting.
The release of this film pushes us over our first goals! ACHIEVEMENT!
Say Hello to the Wannabe Big Cheese
Hmm, we probably won't get this in a bit. I mean releasing a two star film is a HUGE CHALLENGE
Many of our stars seem really frazzled, so I give them some time off while I have the screenwriters cook up our next set of scripts. I hear news reports of a new device called a 'television' on the horizon that will shirk people and worlds and put them in a tiny box. It is anticipated that
SCI FI will in the public consciousness soon, while
ALL OTHER GENRES will be largely ignored. I give the memo to our script writers. But that will be something to deal with in a year or so.
SOON TO BE BREAKING NEWS
Meanwhile, our stars enjoy the short break in their own ways. Zapp Brannigan attempts to chat up Alfimi at the new bar....and getting nowhere. Iron passes the time working out and Abraham Lincoln rehearses in the newest set to the lot, the Wild West Bank set.
She's not impressed by how Zapp says 'champagne'
Iron burns off the calories.
Lincoln tries to act some more!
I get two scripts, one action and one Sci-Fi. The Action script goes to Barney Calhoun and the Sci Fi script goes to Iron.
Barney Calhoun chooses Abe Lincoln to star in his second directorial outing. The good news: It uses our freshly made Wild West Saloon set! The Bad News: The imbeciles in the writing department decided that Menu of Disaster needed to be made again. YUP. LET'S USE THE SCRIPT FROM OUR WORST EVER MOVIE AND REUSE IT AGAIN! Idiots.
Hold The Front Page!- Its Menu of Disaster all over again. But better this time. Somehow. Maybe the concept of KUNG FU COOK ABE LINCOLN IN THE 1920s IS AMAZING TO BEHOLD
AMAZINGLY, ITS NOT A HORRIBLE FAILURE OF A FILM! One Star.
Again. FUCK the Hollywood Reporter
The One Screen Cinema Across The Street has also decided that this movie was good enough to grace their screen!
Iron Owell turns to the tried and true Alfimi Einst for the usual Sci-Fi outing. The script calls for footage in the Wild West Bank and Desert sets, though how those sets are sciency in any regards is beyond me. Horror dawns on me as I look through the script. Guess what...WE ALREADY MADE THIS BEFORE! TWICE! GOD SAVE ME FROM THESE IDIOTS. And so, in less that ten years, Gneiss Pictures LLC has reused the same Sci Fi script for three separate movies...starring the same actress...director...and extra.
Tinymen- I THINK I HAVE SEEN THIS MOVIE ALREADY. Maybe the screenwriters fear that their work will be immolated in some sort of storage fire and are hedging their bets, so to speak.
Somehow seeing the same film for a third time pleases the audiences, as we finally break 1 star and get 1.2 star!
What? I don't even.
Even more baffling to mind is that rehashing movies has increased our studio ranking!
TAKE THAT, OLD ROPE CINEMA!
Our bank account edges toward half a million, so I decide to get another actor on board. Meet Bigby Wolf! Leaving the gritty life of detectiving behind, this Wolf comes Among Us to act! He's got some middling experience in horror and action. With this new addition, we now have six whiny egos to jockey around. I'm gonna slow down on hiring more stars before I...
a) Lose my mind micromanaging their shit
b) Put too many eggs in the early basket and implode when they all inevitably retire.
I take a few chances and place Bigby and Barney together on Gneiss Pictures's first Horror film...
Yeah, lets not talk too much about this one.
- Looking more fitting in a Sci-Fi film, Bibgy explores a dark cellar only to be struck down by something off-screen. 2SPOOKY
Feeling slightly biffed by the recent scripts, I take matter into my own hands and build the CUSTOM SCRIPT OFFICE!
I'll be contributing screenwriter from now on!
This building is arguably the most powerful building on any studio's lot. This building allows us to tap into our diseased minds and produce our own scripts! We get to choose the principle actors, dress the sets and choose the scenes...all to our personal desires.
The invention of the television comes and now the public is clamoring for more Sci Fi stuff! And so, i personally construct a script for Alfimi and Zapp.
Our Sci Fi masters are on the march!
- Zapp Brannigan attempts to invade Alfimi's ship and is promptly shot for his efforts
And in testament to not-shitty scripts, we bag a 1.6 STAR RATING!
BOOYAH?
Also-we finally have a lab building, so we can now research new stuff packs and get them before the other film studios. We can only hire a maximum of six researchers, which is a bummer. Right now there are only two packs available to research, one for more Wild West stuff and one for 1930s clothing. I'm researching both!
SCIENTISTIC!
Lastly, we can now build trailers for our 'stars'. These little tin huts will serve as status symbols for our stars, boosting their moods and rankings in Hollywood. I immediately build two for our favorite Sci Fi duo. The others will get theirs soon enough. Happiness reigns at Gneiss...but I'm getting reports of a looming stock market crash. A crash that will send the public to the movies. To funny movies. But that's something to deal with in the future..
PRAISE THE MOVIE GODS!
BONUS:
Battlefish Tarantula
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Topic: Lets Play! The Movies SE -Update 7- Super PR Blitz Go!! (Read 16310 times)