I can't tell you how to mess with the raws and stuff, but here's a few basic tips I've used:
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=126076-This thread links to a starter pack for Dwarf fortress, it should be pretty stable on your system, even if the new release isn't. It has settings in the launcher for all the things you say you want to get rid of, though if you want the true DF experience, you should leave them on (well, savagery, civilization and history will have to be dealt with in world generation... also I usually turn off aquifers, but that's personal preference)
-combat can be tough to get a handle on, but you will always have to deal with it, whether it's from invading armies or from your dwarves getting angry and beating each other to death (yes, that does happen... quite often, as a matter of fact...). You can learn how to use military on your own, but don't be afraid to use "exploits" like danger rooms to train soldiers fast when you're starting out
-designating is a skill you will probably get fast, press d and you can set "mine" orders, which dig out the area of stone they are set on, but not the roof or floor of that level... you can find a guide to the keys in the middle of the screen by default, though if you press tab you can get rid of it/bring it back up... I recommend leaving it up unless you are really confident in your memory or feel an unending need to see as much of the map as possible
-I usually change the Z-level switch keys (esc, key bindings, general, go up/down one z level) so I don't have to hold shift all the time, but key bindings are personal preference
And here's a link to the wiki, in case you need it:
http://dwarffortresswiki.org/