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Crushed Mermaid Scale

Elven Bone Marrow

Flaked Adamantine

Ground Unicorn Horn

[Max™]

All Hail th' Order O' th' Ale!

[exodius1]

Spoiler: Intro (click to show/hide)

In a place beyond time, beyond space and beyond color, 10 figures, dressed uniformly in similar suits, coats, fedoras and black glasses. All black and white.

The figures sat around the table, a meeting in progress. The figures squabbled and argued.

'No, I am NOT going to do that. DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOUR FACE MELTS OFF?'

'No, but neither do you! That was not your body!'

'It doesn't matter whose body it was, it was still painful as balls!'

'ENOUGH! We will draw straws!'

'Ummm.... My mom send a note to the office. The doctor said I am not supposed to do any possessions until my... cold... clears up.'

'Don Quattro, you do not have a mother, there is no doctor here, and we do not get ill. Now, everyone, form a cue, I have here some straws.'

'Look, I just do not want to go to Doomforests, ok? That place is bad news!' Don Quattro replied.

'Nobody wants to go there, that is what the STRAWS ARE FOR! NOW FORM THE BLOODY CUE!' As the figures drawn the figure holding straws noticed something amiss, one figure missing.

'Wait, where is Don Pedro?'

'He said something about us being scaredy cats, and that he will go and show us amateurs how it is done...' Came a response.

'Hum... that so not like him.'

'Well, he did not exactly use words "Scaredy Cats" and "Amateur"...'

'Fair enough... Who's up for lunch?'

'We do not have a cafeteria here, Boss.'

'Oh, right.'

~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile in Doomforests a random dwarfs stopped in his tracks in the middle of the hallways, ungodly shriek coming from his lungs. His eyes closed, his body convulsed. After few seconds everything stopped, the dwarf pulled out a pair of strangely ethereal looking obsidian spectacles, and upon pacing them on his nose looked around.

Half the fortress was staring at him.

'Yes, ekhm, excuse me, I had something in my throat. Now could someone direct me to the place one signs up to become overseer?' He asked, in a voice unlike his.

A nearby hauler sight and pointed to the right direction with his finger. They had a goblin as an overseer, could a possessed dwarf be any worse?

Too much? not enough? Anyways, could I get dwarfed as any unnamed male dwarf?
Name: Don Pedro
Proffession: NOYB [That means None Of Your Business]

[Drazoth]

Can I ask for a turn? I would like a turn. I know I am working on another fort atm but I noticed two criminal acts in this fort. first. cult/conspiratory activity fell below acceptable minimum, second [Statement Retracted by Regenreich Intelligence Agency]. I plan to fix both, if I am allowed.

This is mostly due to my lack of time to post and my lack of ideas.  Your entrance to the fort will help greatly. 

[Dark One]

[OOC]

All Hail th' Order O' th' Ale!

Spoiler: HAIL! (click to show/hide)

cult/conspiratory activity fell below acceptable minimum, second [Statement Retracted by Regenreich Intelligence Agency]. I plan to fix both, if I am allowed.

Just before Taupe redorfed me, I planned something like this.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dark Two's fate turned out even better though, so I'm staying a goody knight for now.
[/OOC]

Journal of Dark Two

This is a day of our triumph! We're preparing to make an oath to the Armok and the overseer, that we will serve the good of the fortress! Everyone gathered in the meeting hall, surrounded us. The millitia commander appeared, and after Pencil_Art and Overseer Smunstu ended their speeches, we were had to make an oath:

- We, the Order of The Ale swear that till the last drop of blood from our veins, and till the last drop of booze from our barrels drips on the ground... WE WILL SERVE AND PROTECT THE FORTRESS OF DOOMFORESTS!!!

It's real! The Order of The Ale is officially a knightly order of Doomforests! Each year, the forming of the Order should be celebrated with a free, high quality booze served by our knights! The millitia commander took us to training areas quickly, and gave us some supplies left by dead soldiers. Then he described our duties, and gave us patrol maps. We proceeded to train immediately.

Later the day, when I was patroling the hallways I heard a horrifying shriek made by one of the dwarves. Everyone stopped their duties for a moment and just stared at the strange dwarf. Then he just asked about the overseer signups, and went on. I called two other knights, and we decided to follow him, just to be sure.

The dwarf entered the Bloodthorn Signup Cabin and written his name on the list. We just waited for him. He went out of the cabin and was surprised. We moved our hands slowly towards our weapons, and when he was just about to panic, we said:

- We're watching you... scum...

And then we just turned around, singing the booze song we always sang while working in the stills. As soon as we reached our headquarters, I ordered one of the knights to send my letter to Mate the 888th.

Spoiler: Letter (click to show/hide)

To Mate the 888th

In this grand day of forming The Order of The Ale, we want to inform you that Inquisition have just gained a new ally in their endeavors of protecting the fortress from all kinds of evil lurking in the darkness. I also want to inform you, that we witnessed a strange behavior of one of the dwarves. Said dwarf have given an ungodly shriek from his lungs, which made the fortress just... halt for a moment. Further investigation is needed to say if he is possessed or not. You'll recognise him by obsidian spectacles that dwarf wears all the time.

Klan-Master Dark Two
The Order of The Ale

Then another knight have brought me papers from the overseer that I had to fill in, so the Order would be documented.

Spoiler: The Order of The Ale (click to show/hide)

Name: The Order of The Ale
Leader: Dark Two
Alignment: Good.

Description: The Order of The Ale is the first official knightly order of Doomforests. In the beginning just a group of brewers, now elite warriors devoted to serve the fortress, and Smunstu in any way they can.

After filling in the forms, I proceeded to write the codex of the Order.

Spoiler: Codex of The Order of The Ale (click to show/hide)

This document is the official codex of The Order of The Ale. Only Klan-Master can change information written herein, and only when he receives agreement from all the knights.

1. Praise Smunstu and Dark Two, as they are the saint founders of the Order.

2. Follow the path of stills, and live the ways of booze.

3. Serve and protect the fortress.

4. Don't ignore requests from citizens, but follow them carefully.

5. Trust only your brethren in the Order, Overseer and Millitia Commander.

6. Inquisitors, vampire and witch hunters are our brothers in arms, treat them with respect.

7. Always help your brethren in the Order. If your brother is attacked, respond immediately. If your brother needs support in battle, aid him.

The ranks in the Order are as follows:

Klan-Master - saint warrior, the leader of the Order.

Champion - elite warrior, advisor of Klan-Master.

Knight - the main member of orders millitary forces.

Squire - well versed in the ways of booze, needs training to become a knight.

Novice - new followers of the path of stills.

This was a great day. I think that I'll like living in Doomforests much more from now on.

[Taupe]

Alright people, thanks a lot for all the participation! The recent dorfing have been made. LordBrassroast, you are the fortress' only blunt trauma specialist, since everyone else uses spears or swords. Or their... hands? Exodius, you somewhat leaped into a 150 years old uber-stressed dude. Wether or not the stress is the result or the reason for the possession is up to you.

Autumn is mostly over, but I'm leaving for classes later this evening and I'd rather study than jump into some writing. I should be able to wrap up winter tomorrow, and that should be it for my turn.

[exodius1]

Snip

That was quick0.0 I at least expected to be dorfed before I am required to join the RP0.0 Oh well, in for a penny...

Spoiler: And good day to you... (click to show/hide)

It was going easier than expected. The inhabitants seemed more than willing to allow him to sign up for leadership. Usually it took years of planning, scheming and earning trust. Maybe he was even better at this than he remembered?

When he was leaving the lovely booth they used as a sign up office he stumbled across some rather... aggravated individuals, who declared they were spying on him after which they left him alone. Very nice of them to inform him of that, his training suggested that actually TELLING your target that you are conspiring against them was a faux pas. Now he could prepare and counteract, as soon as he figured out his way around this place. All he needed for his plans to succeed was about 9 other dwarves, a magma smelter, magma forge, regular metalworks, crafts workshop, few bins, a pickaxe and few hundred weapon grade metal bars. Oh and about 20-30 silver and iron bars each... and maybe some platinum, because why not? Now he needed to figure out how to blend in. He should probably do the things that non-leader mortals do... like eating... and ummm... he would figure something out...

Spoiler: Regenreich (click to show/hide)

Name: Regenreich Intelligence Agency
Leader: [Retracted by RIA]
Alignment: Neutral.... Yup, definitely Neutral... Nothing to see here, move along...

Description: [Retracted by RIA]

@ tAUPE: And that is fine, does he have any family? friends? can we make him food efficient?

[Taupe]

And that is fine, does he have any family? friends? can we make him food efficient?

If I could make people food-efficient they'd already all be corpses, moving or not.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You seem to have a family, altho only your youngest son currently resides in Doomforests.

[exodius1]

And that is fine, does he have any family? friends? can we make him food efficient?

If I could make people food-efficient they'd already all be corpses, moving or not.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You seem to have a family, altho only your youngest son currently resides in Doomforests.

You have no idea how much fun I am going to have with this... *Demonic Cackle*. (Yup, I am definitely Neutral... Like TRUE NEUTRAL, all caps and all that... can someone PLEASE take the hammer away from that red-garbed individual over there? I really do not appreciate the way he is looking at me...)

[PsychoAngel]

Psycho II's Journal

The fortress has been cleaner and more well-stocked than it has ever been before! AND the overseer is permitting my profession to thrive! Life couldn't possibly be better! Although it looks like many of the dwarves have been following me lately, which kind of makes me nervous. At least my proteges are paying very close attention to the process of soap making. Soon enough I can teach my son the secret family recipe. Of course I teach all the dwarves all I can about soap making, but I've got to have something to call my own, right? Hopefully they, too, will put together their own blends of soap one day! I've heard that Minister Smunstu's office has been pimped out recently. I hope he's happy. Because if he's happy, than we'll be happy. At least most of us, though I doubt he has any enemies.

Spoiler: The Followers of Psycho (click to show/hide)

Name: Followers of Psycho
Leader: No one in particular
Alignment: Neutral

Description: The citizens of Doomforests that believe in the magical properties of Psycho's soap. People seem to be following her around these days, and she doesn't really like it. She doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, though, and shoos them off quietly if they stay too long. These are the people who are dying to know just what makes the Psycho Family Soap so magical.

[OOC]
From now on, when I mention the secret family recipe, I will be doing so in cyan. I will also refer to current overseers in the color purple as well as the rutile hat.
[/OOC]

[TheFlame52]

That's great and all but WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO AVUZ FLAMEBORN!?

[exodius1]

So, I just took a look at the (outdated) map, as I was trying to at least guess few things... My initial opinion can be summarised as "oh god help".... Will update the map when I get my hands on the save.... If I still remember how to that is...

[Taupe]

Its worth mentionning that the current turn list has not been updated in... three months? Something like that. At this point Doomforests is mostly moderated by posters, not the OP. This means that we'll need someone to browse the thread and grab the names of anyone who asked for a turn, or reapplied for one. Hey you, person reading this, why not you? The next and final update wont be up for another seventeen hours. You know you don't have anything else to do. I'll even give your room a golden door to commemorate your dedication.

[Iamblichos]

Longshanks resolved the food-efficient inhabitant of the fortress with admirably efficient dispatch.

Quoth he, "EEEUUGGGH!!!"

[Dark One]

Journal of Dark Two

It was a week since the strange dwarf joined The Voluntary Overseer Signup in our Bloodthorn Signup Cabin. Through this time we kept three of our knights following him... watching all the time, every single move, day and night. We even found a way to keep watch on him inside his own chamber! The investigation showed nothing however, and I've got no response from the Chief Inquisitor. I decided to write an official letter to that dwarf. From what my knights told me, his name is Don Pedro. My first official investigation in Doomforests have ended.

"To Don Pedro

Due to the evidences found, or rather complete lack thereof, the official investigation on Your subject have come to an end. We are happy to announce that your civilian status have returned to normal, and your position on the overseer have been officially confirmed. A reminder - once you have become the overseer, our knightly order will be for Your disposition.

Klan-Master Dark Two
The Order of The Ale"

With that finished, I sent one of our knights to deliver it. Then I took some documents that I had to fill in, so the case would be finished. Just when I started to write the report for the overseer, one of the knights entered the office and gave me a letter. Interestingly, it was a letter from one of the dwarven officials in the mountainhome. I opened the letter and started to read:

"To Klan-Master Dark Two

We've been interested in your latest activity Klan-Master. This is a rare occurence, and the letter provided us by Miss. Taupe III of Doomforests, and rumors spread by our citizens, we decided to extend The Order's of The Ale area of operation to the mountainhome. Research conducted by Ministry of Not Dying Horribly, as well as our Chief Medical Dwarf and brewers have showed that knightly order praising booze and drinking is a huge morale booster, and actually serves some practical purposes by creating additional layer of protection to our fortresses. With this in mind, we decided to raise your rank to Klan-Master of Mountainhome, with fortress of residence being Doomforests.

Ministry of Not Dying Horribly

I must report it to the overseer as quickly as I can!

[exodius1]

Its worth mentionning that the current turn list has not been updated in... three months? Something like that. At this point Doomforests is mostly moderated by posters, not the OP. This means that we'll need someone to browse the thread and grab the names of anyone who asked for a turn, or reapplied for one. Hey you, person reading this, why not you? The next and final update wont be up for another seventeen hours. You know you don't have anything else to do. I'll even give your room a golden door to commemorate your dedication.

I would, but it took me a week to get through the thread, and I do not think my boss appreciated that^^ But if my memory serves Pyrotechno wanted a turn before me, and someone else before him....

Also, this thread is rather appropriate, don't you think? I mean, the OP left us, we have no idea what is going on, and yet we still struggle on... just like the fortress itself... Apart from the "everyone's dead" part....

Edit:

snip

Spoiler: Mail call! (click to show/hide)

And now those damned fools pretend they stopped! Bah! Thought Don Pedro of Regenreich, not fooled by the amateurish attempts at inviting him into false sense of security.