-snip-
*Mate is thinking about fortress micromanaging and draltha pies when his acolytes run into his office with Shorast.*
-Ah! Shorast! My favourite Nifih worshipper!
*He looks at the acolytes*
-Restrain him, tie him into a chair, blindfold him and bring him downstairs. Make sure he doesn't harm himself! We don't know what that evil godess would do with a corpse, but I'd rather not risk it. Knock him unconcious if necessary. I'll go check on the fort and then I'll go downstairs to talk to him.
*He then looks at Shorast, the human is looking at him with anger and disbelief*
-Ah, Shorast... We have so much to talk about. *He knocks him down with a hit in the head*
Joural of Mate the 888th, Overseer of DoomforestsWell, after that zealoty moment to remind myselfr that I am the Chief Inquisitor of this place, I've decided to go and check on how the soldiers are doing and--WHAT THE FUCK!?
I TOLD YOU NOT TO KILL THE DRALTHAS, LET THEM LEAVE, SECURE THE GATES AND GO BACK YOU IDIOTHASObhlghalghsaoñklhfialoghsjalkñODGBJHBJOLKHJKL*the rest of the page is illegible*
Ah, well, after recovering from that... Er... Slight tantrum... I have to point out that both my emergency heir and Shaped Whispers are chasing the two remaining dralthas out, but they are too stupid to notice that they are being lured into the deepest caves, and the things living there give me no desire to have anyone, especially anyone from my family, living there.
Well, false alarm guys, Mate the 892nd quickly came to his senses and just stabbed the poor thing in the head before leading Shaped Whispers back into the fortress.
Meanwhile, our marksdwarves at the tower practice dodging, and the fort slowly goes back to normal.
Also, I feel inclined to ask some of the more wiser members of the fort on a way to kill Ber, the vampire (if that's his real name) without collapsing the roof on top of him (as that's impossible, seeing where is he incarcerated. Maybe I should burn him with magma, but I don't know how to do it without killing the poor bloke who goes down to dig the hot wall, and probably without flooding the jail with Armok's blood.
PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO KILL THE DAMN THING, PEOPLE! I BEG YOU!
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Mate the 888th, His Overseeing Holiness, cancels eating: Interrupted by corpse.Could you guys please!? It's hard enough to get apetite in this fortress without having a corpse literally behind the armokdamn table!
It's not so hard, there's a coffin reserved for him alredy, and his ghost is LITERALLY screaming at my face as i write it! It's really annoying!
((OOC: Also, as I was really bored, I took the liberty of searching for all of real Mate's and totally not the original Mate's dead unnamed relatives and renamed them to "Mate the randomnumber st/nd/rd/th", are you okay with it? Also, Kronk, if you are reading this, you are my grandpa)).
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Why? Why why why why WHY!?
I didn't give any orders, you had alredy turned back into civilians and you had no reason for...
Ugh, you know what?
Fine. You better spend your soldier time training, and you better turn into a badass fighting force after this.
((OOC: I'll ask for help now, mostly because it's been a long time since I last played and I'm a massive noob. So... How do you dispose prisioners, that is, how do you throw caged things into the magma? I'm in need of some sacrifices)).
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*Mate stops witing on his journal and rests on the chair when Taupe, the aptly named mad doctor, enters his office*.
-Chief Inquisitor, I've heard of your vision of Nifih.
-Do those assholes know what "complete and total confidentiality" means!?
-Do you trust confidentiality upon other dwarves?
-Good point. Now what do you want, old friend?
-You being the chief inquisitor of this fort, have to know the truth of this world, that that vision both got close and far from you.
-What are you talking about, Taupe?
-I say, that I managed to get some journals, archives and reports of old from the cave elves that came to trade with us last spring. Some of them of elvish, goblin, human and dwarven origin, but most of them taken from the tribes of reptile, amphibian, serpent and cave fishmen living both deep down below and near and inside of Datetattooed.
-Animalmen don't write, Taupe.
-Just... Bear with me, allright? The thing is, I now know what is going on. I know of the secret war happening hidden from us, and I know that we must interfere, not only for the good of the fort, but for the good of the world!
-...I'm interested... Continue.
-The planet is secretly controlled by an undercover race of alien
illuminati demonic reptilians.
-...What?
-Man, I wish I was making this up.
"This is the real hidden story behind everything.
"Nifih is an ordinary goddess, like many others. HOWEVER a very badass reptilian demon-fiend vampire managed to impersonate her as an avatar, and convince a bunch of people to sell him his soul. You can probably guess when this happened. This is at the exact same time the Cathedral of Beauty in Datetattooed became a corrupt place used to create more vampires. Nifih is actually pretty dumb, and keeps cursing whoemever defiles her chapel, unaware that an impostor lizardman is using her power to fuel a secret race of vampiric serpents, vampiric lizards, vampiric reptiles, and vampire fishmen, to acquire blood-sucking powers.
"The vampires and cultists are convinced they serve a godly being, but in truth they are just very power-fueled members of a decoy cult led by a charlatan.
-...This...
-Before you say anything, I heard about your vision, and no, that was not Nifih, it was the demon taking her shape, and although he desires to destroy men, goblin and dwarf, he does not wish to kill them, but to turn them into bloodsucking monsters, killing off all the opposition. And we are the opposition. Every worshipper of that lizard-devil is influenced by him, and that human you so not subtly captured and took downstairs is no exeption. If you kill him, his body will return for us while his soul goes to hell, to be one more of the demon's infinite army. You have to tell him the truth, or he will succumb to him and die.
-...Taupe... When people started calling you a "Mad Doctor", I tought it was a joke. Now I see that you are, in fact, insane. Go get some rest.
-But...
-GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, I SAY!
*As Taupe leaves, Mate starts writing down everything that Taupe told him*
((OOC: Taupe PM'ed me with this, and this is actually what is going on. As legends mode say. So now we know the truth of the world. Or at least Taupe knows.
Kudos to Toady and ThreeToe, though, for creating a game capable of random-generating the Illuminati.))