When Darzoth opened the door, I was shocked. Confused. Speechless. The whole thing with the mysterious cavern dwellers lasted at most 20 seconds, after which I paused, took screenshots, and closed the game. This was so anticlimatic, I had to stop. As I tried to process what was happening, I spent a good fifteen minutes in my chair, giggling and shaking uncontrollably. (I was tired and full of caffeine). I'll be fair, this is easily in the top one of the things I experienced in a videogame. Each question I could think of only created more questions. so my brain just stopped, and i spent my time there, laughing maniacally. Because this was so
absurd.
Then i made a little comic, to set the mood, raise the stakes, and get your hopes up. just so you could experience a fraction of the mind-fuckery I just went trough. But this wasn't the end. The tale only gets weirder from here on.
Dwarf fortress is a complex game, full of possibilities. It's programming is so advanced, that yesterday, while playing, it finally achieved the
Singularity. But not the one you think of, oh sci-fi fans reading this. No, this is a special kind of singularity, where the game becomes aware of what it creates, realizes how fucking dumb it is, and stares at it with confusion and perplexity. Just as I had.
Hours pass, and I'm ready to watch everyone die horribly. I unpause, and prepare for a massacre... And yet... It seems I'm not the only one to be shocked. Ast is a werebeast, hungering for blood, and right in front of her is the baron, and behind him 7 other unarmed juicy preys. A normal wereantelope (Oh wow i can't believe this juxtaposition of words
exists) would immediately pounce at them and tear them apart. That's what happened with the previous transformations. But Ast is not doing that. She's staring at the unfinished wall, and the baron that just barged in casually, and she cannot process what is happening.
That's right, Ast is so mind-blown, that her confusion overwhelms her murderous, cursed instincts, and so she just stares at Darzoth, who slowly back the fuck away. i click her. Her primary motivation now is ''Building wall'', which is weird for a weebeast because enemies usually don't have a general screen with their skills and current job. The situation is indeed so stupid that the game refuses to ackowledge what's going on, and so WereAst just observes her unfinished barricade, unable to comprehend how its construction was ever suspended in the first place. A day pass, then two. Ast turns back into a dwarf. The cavern folks return to the forge, and find her naked, still staring at the wall. I click the wall, and cancel it. ast finally picks up her clothes.
* * *
Senshuken's men have finally been able to go outside. We still don't know which lever activates the main gate, so people are using the second floor of the militia tower to access the outside and gather weapons. Armed with swords and possibly something resembling armor, they catch and murder their first thief.
The first floor of the tower is turned into an armory, with weapon and armor stockpile. People simply refuse to remove the trees on the second layer, but it will eventually become a dinning hall with some food and drink stockpiles.
While gathering more weapons, the rookies enter a three way battle between kobolds and giant dingos. Senshuken's training is finally paying off, Doomforest now has something resembling a milicia now!
People are still dying left and right, there's ghosts everywhere, and the population is competing to see who can murder their neighbor or destroy the baron's suite the fastest, but such trivial entertainments have become the norm in Doomforest. Casual manslaughter kind of grows on you.
* * *
It's unclear why most of the senior members of the fort decided to sneak past the barricade and dodge a forgotten beast for three months to live here. none of them seems sane enough to really explain. They have no weapons, no booze, no tools, no ressources, no food, no beds, and no form of organisation whatsoever. They are living on the dusty ground inbetween three gigantic magma pools, where they are stalked by crundles and a forgotten beast. Yet somehow, despite all this, they seem to have a happier life than the proper residents of the fortress. what a great fort doomforest is, guys.
Ast seems to be the first dwarf around here to suggest that people actually ''do'' things, rather than walk in the caverns and avoid crundle attacks as best they can, while playing hide and seek with Snustrok. speaking of which, where is the flying gigasnail? Oh. apparently it was living here for a while, but now it's somewhere else. That sounds like stellar organisation right there. Thank Armok the head of the milicia as well as the baron managed to combine their efforts to create such a great society.
Well, things are going to change. Ast decides that living on the ground and being aimless until a monster murders them is kind of a bad plan, so it's time they turn this place into something non-terrible. Here's a round-up of Astville's population:
*Ast: sole member of the Super Happy Team squad. Ranger by day, monstruous werebeast by night, and mason on the side.
*Darzoth: Baron and ex-overseer, and a decent weaponsmith. His new duties include architecture.
*Nil: Carpenter, and now designated woodcutter as well. we don't have an axe.
*Atir: One of the oldest resident of Doomforest, now a legendary engraver. As per Drokles' dying wish, he is to engrave nonstop to immortalize the story of the halls of mortality.
*Olin: Military commander, has no equipment, really good at sparing alone and not improving. Designated clotheswasheress. ''marksdwarf 1'' is very dumb, squad renamed to the Wishy-Washy Banjos.
*Bomrek: animal trainer. Olin's new training partner, candidate for the mining duties. We don't have a pick tho.
*Sodel: Fisherdwarf, main purveyor of food.
*Fikod: Farmer, relegated to haling random crap lying around in the caverns. 'Cause we have no farms.
*Azob: Woodworker: currently punching critters for food. Also an herbalist now.
So that's nine dwarves in total, with various skills, all of which are actually pointless because we have no tools, or ressources, beside 10 pieces of copper armor, and a single chunk of alumite. Oh, and very clean rags.
Ast spends a few days trying to designate a new base to be dug. she learns we have no pick. Maybe someone can chop down trees instead? she learns they have no axe either. Darzoth is mandating new battle axes, but there is no way to implement that, because they have no forge. Wait, do we... YES! We have an iron anvil lying somewhere in the caverns because... reasons. Fikod the hauler goes and fetch it. Ast builds a smelter, and starts to turn their masterwork quality copper armor into copper nuggets, which she combines into bars.
Yes, that's a really umb thing to do, but going back up would probably attract Snustrok. the beast is probably lurking on a superior level of the caverns, and it could walk in at any moment. for that reason, Astville must be sealed from the upside world. Sadly, they have nothing to build a wall with. even if they did, the access to this level is trough a long staircase hanging in the air, dug in a stone pillar. snustrok flies, to sealing the bottom wouldn't work, and they have no workable space to put a wall on the ceiling's level. They need materials for the wall and ramps both, and a pickaxe to reach the right spot. This will be fucking tricky.
Ast is smelting some stuff while the rest are gathering food. Everything is going well, until everyone realizes that the next full moon is really, really soon. All this faffing about and organising the citizens of Astville took more time than anyone realised. here's n interesting fact about the stocks down here: 1 (one) alumite chunk, currently used to build a smelter. There is nothing to seal Ast alone, and no time to dismantle the smelter
Fuuuuuck. That's when i realize how smart and crucial PsychoAngel's rule had been for us all along: We have one bar of soap near the well. I'm not sure how big Psychoangel had his soap bars made, but apparently it's possible to build a wall out of it. Yup. We are locking a crazy werewolf away behind a giant bar of soap. In a volcano. desperate times, man.
The blood moons come and goes, and ast rages and claws at her soapy confine. In a violation of all reason and logic, the barricade holds. Astville endures for another month.
Yes
You read that right.
A single bar of soap saved the fortress.
* * *
PsychoAngel is chatting with some friends in the dinning hall, when suddenly, he stops. He's looking strangely at everyone now, and it's kinda creepy.
''
Mortals! he says with a booming voice.
I have chosen this noble dwarf as my vessel!-Who... who are you? asks a brewer, hesitantly.
-
I am.... THE GOD OF SOAP! I may not be the most notable deity, but i reward those who serve me justly. You lot may not fully understand it, but on this day, the one you call PsychoAngel greatly promoted the cause of soap. To reward his devotion and fervor, I will now use my divine glory to bestow upon him an artifact of immense value! Le Grand Soaper stands up, then walks to the stockpiles, gathering stone, leather, and bones. With a eerie glow in his eyes, he begins a mysterious construction. Soon, the work is complete, and PsychoAngel awakens in the craftdwarf's workshop, surrounded by many bystander, with only the faintest understanding of what just transpired. In his hands lies the result of his god-induced labor...
''So... i got taken over by a being of divine power, and all i got was this lousy mug.
-Well, he DID mention he was a minor deity.
* * *
Copper bars have been created. The magma smelter is dismantled, and the single block of alumite is used to erect a forge instead. construction of an axe begins. The woodworker begin their work, and cut down some bloodthorn trees.
Astville kicks into high gear. The wood is stored inside the random room to the north, and used to build workshops of all kind. food is troed there, then transfered in a few barrels.
''We will need beds as well, declares the baron. and a pickaxe. Let's revert the forge to a smelter and turn the rest of the armor into copper bars!''
It's a race against time, but for now, Astville thrives. They have no luxury yet, but basic industries are starting to emerge. At least, they have enough room cleared out to store and build as they see fit. the month passes by, and Ast spends another night locked in the well room. despite everything, life down here is simple, and somewhat safe. they are slowly building everything they need out of bamboo and mushrooms. They are living wacky minor hijinks. It's basically Gilligan Island, except instead of almost getting rescued at the end of each episode, they almost get devoured by a wereantelope. A strange, yet stable existence, for the time being.
* * *
Meanwhile on the surface, just as the dwarves finally manage to open the front gate...
Poll
Author
Topic: The Hastening of Doomforests (Read 452663 times)