Initial report: Doomforest
From: Taupe Portallessons, 6th overseer of Doomforest, Bookkeeper, and agent of the MNDH
To: Urist Turnedcog, Minister of Not Dying Horribly
Date: 24th Malachite, 1054
To the respected minister Turnedcog,
Assuming this document reaches you, here are my initial assessment of the situation here at Doomforest. There is still much to discover in terms of potential horrible death triggers. Keep in mind, this is only my initial impression, this fort is so unsafe and disastrous that within minutes, I knew I was in for a ride.
First, the previous overseeer has been rendered insane by the fumes emanating from the soap workshop he dedicated his life to. The mere act of taking over his management duty required a long period of bargaining and sequestration. After escaping captivity, I was able to look upon the fort proper. The immediate area was devoid of dwarves, but i could see the designation for a new workshop area, which the miners were expected to dig without breaching the walls leading to it.
Since i was alone, I decided to take the first staircase, which led me to three (THREE) different graveyards, all of which are of different size. While total symetry of a fortress' facilities is not mandatory by ministerial laws, it bothers me deeply. Past the graveyard, i saw a mass of beds clumped together, and tons of tunnels covered in random stone debris. I come across a dead, rotting dwarven corpse cluttering the only staircase. Then I encounter a terrified troglodyte. My journey ends in a strange underground facility, overseeing a volcano, part of which has been smoothed out for reasons unknown. The area is covered in holes and copper armor pieces. there is also a pile of soap and random silk cloth objects. In the middle of this strange facility, i encounter a single crundle, apparently maddened by terror.
What. The. Actual. fuck. (continued on page 2)
* * *
Now, the lack of dwarves and the omnipresence of corpses and evil creatures within our forge complex is disturbing, but easy to explain and fix. It seems that on no less than 7 points, Doomforest is exposed to gigantic underground caverns filled with deadly monsters. One of them is defended by cage traps. the others are defended by the power of collective wishful thinking. I will have doors installed in the open corridors, and some actual walls built. doors are definitely a better defense than hoping really hard no monster show up, as explained in the MNDH guide.
I then run into the mayor, as well as the baron and ex-Overseer. altho he claims his title is ''Overseer'', i'm quick to rectify baron darzoth on whom is currently running this place. Ex-Overseer is his new title. Regardless, both of them are unsatisfied with their offices at the time. Drazoth in particular insists that every single aspect of his chambers is unsatisfying, including the ambient humidity levels, and the feng-shui synergy. He is also very pissed that none of the battle axes he ordered were made as of yet. Well, gee, maybe that's because your forge is populated by corpses, mister baron. I nevertheless took note of their complains, as angry nobles can lead to lots of trouble. I myself have taken over the noble title of manager, yet have no available office as of now. This must be solved ASAP. The previous manager also holds the title of bookkeeper and trader. so many tasks for only one dwarf, no wonder this place is a mess.
It seems that some offices are being created on the main floor of the fortress. Altho they are far away and unconveniently located, they will suit myself, the mayor, and the broker/bookkeeper for the time being. Adding some gold armor stands to the mayor should keep him happy. as for our baron, I'm having him moved to Psychoangel's office, as the whims and anger issues of a noble are more serious to adress than the need for an extravagant office for our soapmaker. Psychoangel is reassigned to the baron's old, meager office.
Civilian housing is rather cramped, and on a single level, making it hard for anyone to get to and from their bedchamber quickly. We don't lack space, so I may try to set multiple housing levels, alongside an extra dinning hall, to keep the population happy. I don't understand why we need to use so many small bedrooms, when clearly half the fort is vacant. Meager offices and sucky bedrooms lie around, unnassigned, while most dwarves only have a small corridor to call their own.
* * *
The entrance to the mines is a corridor with one layer of traps. Considering the general lifespan of dwarves here, I doubt anyone managed to survive long enough to become a master at trap-crafting. I shall order a pit to be dug alongside the traps, as an aditionnal layer of protection.
Morale check: holy fuck, are people here unhappy. Now I really have to shorten their trips and improve their bedrooms, because the next dwarf that dies is going to take us all with him.
I take a look at the combat report, and close the book immediately. What the actual hell happened here? Why are we fighting forgotten beasts, and humans, and crundles, and crocodiles, and whatnot? Time to learn how our army is doing... Well, it seems we have exactly 6 dwarves to defend us, including exactly one on active duty. That's not exactly great.
And that's my first impressions on Doomforest: It has no defenses, no happy citizen, no army, and no organisation. I haven't looked at our stockpiles, or the efficiency of the industry, but I'm just going to assume that everything is terrible, until proven otherwise. My dear minister, it will be a tough year, but i believe I can help set things right here, since basically any single thing here cannot be worse. Expect my monthly reports soon.
respects,
Taupe PortalLessons,
Overseer of doomforest
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