Listen to this while reading for the full flavour.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lE7FRDVLK1UI always wanted to be a king.
I would rule over a whole nation, living in my own quarters, with an own throne room, with an own office.
My own Fortress.
I would decide over the Fate of every dwarf, every pickaxe, every bar of metal and strand of Adamantium that my shining halls are bearing. I would have at least six royal dwarfettes lining up to handfeed me Kangaroo cheese and wine every day, Elven Princes, Human Barons and Goblin warlords alike would visit my Halls to pay me respect and hnd me gifts of Wood, Gold and Goblinite. My royal Army would mount forgotten beasts to defend the castle from everything that stands in my way. A Life fit for a dwarf like me.
Well, at least i got the Woman part right.
It was one of those days that i should have seen coming from a mile away. The thing is, i didn't, which led to this whole goddamn story I'm telling you right now.
The first one was the perfect Housedwarfette. She would cook the finest meals and brew the strongest of spirits, tending to my little hut in the outskirts of the Capital.
The problem was, she was kind of boring and wouldn't join in any activities that involve overdrinking or fighting.
That's when i met the second one.
She had more of, you know, dwarven qualities than i could handle. She outdrank me back in Gregor's Tavern and then almost ripped my beard off and made me lose my ability to walk for two weeks. But hooo, the aftermath was what you'd call "succumbing to a fey mood" over at the outposts. That Woman was Legendary in more than one certain craft, you know.
But also she was way too dangerous so i got the Hell out of there before she killed me. It might be too late already.
Because when i got my wounds tended by the third one, a medical dwarfette, i was kind of helpless. this might be the ONLY CASE in which it was totally not my fault. Nevertheless, i could not have The Hammer (That's what the second girl was called over at the Colluseum) find out about any two of my other escapades, so i promised the pretty talkative doctor to have her join an expidition to the shiniest of castles in a few months, and also promised her a place among the nobles. She would become "Chief medical Dwarf" in a place that would be solely carved out for Her (and me, sometimes), if only she kept quite until everything was said and done.
The Lie worked. Neither of the two other Dames would ever find out about the others.
The Lie worked so well that i just kept using it.
"Where are you going, honey?"
"Uhh. I'm off to talk to a few Nobles up in the capital, because i will be leaving to create an outpost for the Mountainhomes in, like... 5 Months? There will be Magma, and Adamantium and Steel."
"OH ARMOK, THAT'S INCREDIBLE! I will cook a glorious meal for when you return today. You will take me with you, won't you?"
"Yeah, sure, why not."
"Get well soon, Dear!"
and so on and so forth.
The fourth one was just outright scary.
She started as a good friend. We would drink and talk about ideals and how the low life was bad and boring and not fit for us. How we should go and rule our own Fortress. And rule it very, very differently from how it's done currently, with everybody knowing their place, treating nobility like nobles and peasants like peasants. It was a great idea, but nothing else than an inebriated pipe dream. She started to scare me as soon as she brought up the whole "Dirty lowly Peasant"-thing.
That is also when i decided to bail out, but it was already too late. I made my promise expecting her to forget about it after waking up to the hangover. She didn`t.
I might also have promised her that she was to become the Queen one day. The first Lady. The Woman-In-Charge. You know, with marriage and all that jazz. I'll just pray to armok that she forgot about at least that.
I think you can figure out the rest of the story.
Some Miner dwarfette actually heard some rumors about a big, striving fortress where there's FUCKING ADAMANTUIM EVERYWHERE. The rumors weirdly led to me.
So she tricked me into cheating YET again and made me promise her a spot in the caravan for keeping her mouth shut.
I don't even know anymore how the Huntress got involved in all this. I only remember a bronze crossbow pointed at me and something about "giving her all the gold." I can only guess the reason why she's here with me now. I should really lower on the booze consumption.
Anyway, on this aforementioned cursed day, six mischievously grinning faces were pointed at me at the same time. Apparently they have been talking to each other.
They had a Wagon packed up with supplies for half a journey and asked me "when to leave."
Well, i left. but they chased me. They chased me until i succumbed to their scheme.
They seem to have come to an agreement.
I shall live, that's the good part. They shall not make it overly complicated. And i actually get to lead an outpost. How great!
Yeah, totally great. I have been ditching every single one of those Women for some thing or another that was wrong with them. Now i get to live with all of them AT ONCE.
Being the opportunist I am, and not having much of a choice anyway, i got used to it though and assured them i was keeping my promise. They shall have their fucking Castle. And who knows: Maybe I AM to become a king someday.
Either I die by a stampede of angry women, or i give them their stupid adamantuim, hospitals and ruling powers.
I start with pleasing Tacomagic. After all, she seems like the most forgiving and least angry of the six Dwarfettes. Maybe because i actually told her the truth at some point.
So I find myself talking to her much along the journey, actually making plans about a "Perfect Dwarven Society."
She still hasn't brought up the marriage part. Please, Armok, let her have forgotten this bit.
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Topic: Glovedloved - The Mountain of Kings [DISCUSSION & COMMENTS] (Read 20837 times)