Ladies and gentledwarves, hammerers and alchimists, giant tick men and cave sparrows, I present to you- a whole cartload of destructive, graceless, gruesome rubbish.
While pondering a crafting mod that may or may not be under way, I started outlining a low-grade, shit-quality, crank-outable class of weaponry, and that sub-project got of course totally derailed. Inspired by
this blog post (although I didn't dare to emulate/ape the best part: the relentless, uninhibited morpheme-play), the general Dung Age trend in fantasy literature (and games and illustrations) and some hot days spent digging potatotes, I created:
- 42 terrible, terrible melee weapons, mostly repurposed farming tools and stuff with too many nails in it
- 42 itool clones of said weaponry for adventure mode civilians' use
- Nothing else!(for now‼)
Are you sick of carving knives? Do you need invaders with an enraged-mob/pillaging-peasants/underprepared-zealots motif? Do you want to cripple kobold military power even further? Do you want to play simple, honest, merciless hillbillydwarves? Does your own mod just need more weapons in general? More, more, ever more weapons? Enough weapons to give tetanus to the sun? If you started salivating at any of my rhetoric questions, take a look at this mod, please.
This isn't efficient battlefield weaponry. This isn't sublime duelling weaponry. Most of these shoddy weapons have little penetration capability, are unwieldy and slow and messy and as unbalanced as their stats- but they do rend flesh, break bones and sever limbs from the still living. They are supposed to be inferior to even the vanilla weapons, and if one is consistently more powerful than its canon counterpart, tell me so I can break it. I did powertest them (powertesting is what I call lazy arena macroing while clutching a glass of your favourite intoxicating beverage) so I hope all or most or some of them work as intented.
Still, if you think something needs rebalancing(brazenly implying there was a balance in the first place) or find one of the various typos I made, tell me and I'll do something, like go to the store and buy some milk- then fix and reupload this mod with a new version number. And a honorable mention of your contribution.
How to install:
-
GET IT HERE-Maybe backup your raws, just in case
-Put the item_weapon_terrible.text in your raw/objects folder
-Put the item_tool_terrible.text in your raw/objects folder
-Open the entity file of the civilisation you want to give this hideous bestowment to, usually entity_default.txt.
-Search for its entry, e.g. [ENTITY:PLAINS] for humans
-If you want to give their soldiers Terrible Weapons, add this to their entry, preferrably under their other weaponry:
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_KNIFE_SHEARS_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_KNIFE_TROWEL_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_KNIFE_HOOK_MEAT_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_KNIFE_POCKET_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SWORD_BILLHOOK_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SWORD_SAW_LONG_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SWORD_SICKLE_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SWORD_SHORT_HUNT_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_AXE_GUTTING_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_AXE_LOP_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_AXE_SICKLE_SERRATED_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_AXE_SPADE_MUD_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_AXE_SPADE_WOOD_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_AXE_BUTCHER_LONG_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_AXE_HOE_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_FLAIL_GRAIN_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_FLAIL_GRAIN_WOOD_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_CUDGEL_GREASY_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_CUDGEL_WOODEN_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_CUDGEL_STUDDED_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_HOE_BLUNT_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_PESTLE_HUGE_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_PESTLE_WOOD_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_CROWBAR_BLACK_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_CLUB_CULLING_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_MACE_TORCH_UNLIT_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_HAMMER_DECLOD_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_HAMMER_BANDED_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_HAMMER_SLEDGE_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_HAMMER_MALLET_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_WHIP_HOOK_CHAIN_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_WHIP_ROPE_NAILS_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SPEAR_FORK_TWO_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SPEAR_FORK_THREE_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SPEAR_FORK_FOUR_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SPEAR_FORK_FIVE_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SPEAR_ROD_HOOK_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SPEAR_SCYTHE_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SPEAR_CROOK_HERDER_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SPEAR_HOOK_BRUSH_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_SPEAR_FISH_EEL_TERRIBLE]
[WEAPON:ITEM_WEAPON_PIKE_OX_TERRIBLE]
-If you also/instead want to give their civilians Terrible Weapons for self-defense, add this to their entry, preferrably under their other tools:
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_KNIFE_SHEARS_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_KNIFE_TROWEL_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_KNIFE_HOOK_MEAT_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_KNIFE_POCKET_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SWORD_BILLHOOK_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SWORD_SAW_LONG_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SWORD_SICKLE_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SWORD_SHORT_HUNT_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_AXE_GUTTING_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_AXE_LOP_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_AXE_SICKLE_SERRATED_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_AXE_SPADE_MUD_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_AXE_SPADE_WOOD_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_AXE_BUTCHER_LONG_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_AXE_HOE_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_FLAIL_GRAIN_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_FLAIL_GRAIN_WOOD_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_CUDGEL_GREASY_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_CUDGEL_WOODEN_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_CUDGEL_STUDDED_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_HOE_BLUNT_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_PESTLE_HUGE_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_PESTLE_WOOD_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_CROWBAR_BLACK_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_CLUB_CULLING_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_MACE_TORCH_UNLIT_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_HAMMER_DECLOD_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_HAMMER_BANDED_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_HAMMER_SLEDGE_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_HAMMER_MALLET_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_WHIP_HOOK_CHAIN_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_WHIP_ROPE_NAILS_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SPEAR_FORK_TWO_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SPEAR_FORK_THREE_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SPEAR_FORK_FOUR_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SPEAR_FORK_FIVE_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SPEAR_ROD_HOOK_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SPEAR_SCYTHE_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SPEAR_CROOK_HERDER_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SPEAR_HOOK_BRUSH_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_SPEAR_FISH_EEL_TERRIBLE]
[TOOL:ITEM_TOOL_PIKE_OX_TERRIBLE]
-feel free to omit weapons/tools you don't like from this list(s)
-gen a new world
-feel free to pester me when it doesn't work
Things to do before I can slap a v1.0 on it:
-Create Terrible ranged weaponry
-Hone orthography to Oxford-level (THEN BEYOND)
-Give some serious 2Handed values to stuff
-Re-"'*/balance/*'" or crank at least the diversity up even more
-Maybe make some hilariously horrible clothing & armour
Please send feedback, flowers and milk powder. Suggestions, requests and nagging welcome.
Otherwise- Enjoy!
